Great Expectations

Expectations are a funny thing.

13 years ago I expected to be proposed to on Valentines Day, even though Josh specifically said he wasn't going to propose that day.  I just thought he was trying to throw me off.  

He didn't propose that night.  But he still made the day as special as possible because he's just that kind of guy. It's one of the reasons I agreed to marry him when he did finally get around to proposing.... a month later.

This year I expected a great and wonderful day with Josh.  And really, any day I get to spend with him is wonderful.  But this year V-day started off a bit rocky.

I had one of those "I know I shouldn't hate you but I kinda do right now" dreams about Josh.  I dreamt he wanted to become a polygamist.  And in this dream one of his other wives was his favorite.  

Yeah, nice dream, right?

So I wake up on Vals to the thought of my husband wanting lots of women and I'm not really one of them.  It probably took all morning for me to not want to punch him in the face for betraying me.  Well, sort of betraying me.

Suddenly my expectation of Valentines took a major dive.

I got some take out for lunch that day as a special treat for Abby since she's homeschooling and didn't get to exchange cards and candy.  I drove home with our spoils and told Millie that I was so hungry.  I asked her if she was so hungry.  Expecting to hear her excited for this lunch I just bought she said, "No."

I asked her, "You're not so hungry?  Why not?"

She told me, "Because I eat my boogers."

Lovely.

It was finally four o'clock and Josh and I get to leave for our date for the evening.  I had finally calmed down enough from my dream that I no longer wanted to punch him in the face and we had a great time out.  We stopped at Papa John's to prepay for a pizza delivery for the kids for dinner.  The girl at the counter verified our address and as she said it the guy walking behind her said, "Sweet!  I love delivering to you guys.  You tip well."

Josh tipped him extra-well that night.  Hopefully that exceeded his expectations.

We went to dinner and a movie.  It was a great night out and we always love spending time together.  That part of the date was as great as I had expected.

We found ourselves with two hours left of our time with our babysitter before she had to be home.  We didn't really know what to do and just as we decided what the next part of Valentines Adventure Date would be, we got a call from home saying Millie had barfed all over her bed and the sitter had her in the tub to clean it all off her.

Not the way I had expected to end our date, but it sure was nice to have Josh home on the night I had a barfing kid.  

It just goes to show, expectations really mean nothing.  The day is going to go as the day will go.  But thank you, Josh, for helping me to have as nice a V-day as could be expected.

Dual Holiday

Today is Mothers Day.  It's also our 12th anniversary.

This is the first time we've had this double celebration.  The first time it would've happened had been a leap year. 

I thought I'd do something special for Josh since it's our Dozen Anniversary.  He and Matt were gone Friday night at the father/son campout so the girls and I set up an elaborate activity for him to come home to.

I borrowed my brother-in-law's gps for geocaching and located six of the geocaches in our neighborhood.  We then left a note in each cache for Josh to find. 

The notes contained dates that I consider "perfect" days in my life.  Dates like: December 19, 1998, the day we met; February 14, 1999, our first date; etc.  Each note also had the coordinates for the next cache site. 

In the end, Josh was led back home where he found his new grill (one side with propane, the other for charcoal) and the final note with pictures of our children saying I look forward to an eternity of perfect days with him.  I think I was allowed to be cheesy at the end since I was such a genius for the rest of it.

It really was fun to do and plan. 

And because Josh got such an incredible grill for our anniversary, I got a wonderful gourmet dinner tonight for Mothers Day.




A happy man and his new grill


That's right.  I went through all those hours of planning, strategies, and searching for tiny pill bottles hidden in the rockscape of our neighborhood so I could get a nice bbq chicken tonight.

Josh grilling corn on the cob

And it was worth it.

Happy anniversary to my best friend.  And Happy Mothers Day to all of the moms I know and love.

Easter 2011

I'm a bit late getting my blog updated.  We've had a rough couple of weeks.

Anywhoo....

The Easter Bunny came.

He made a lovely mess that the kids happily indulged in. 

Josh's mom sent some bunny ears for the kids.  I was having troubles getting just the right shot of them.....

We had a nice Easter and even got to spend time with some of our extended family at my cousin's house.  Of course, I forgot the camera for that.  Duh.  Maybe next year.

St Patrick's Mini-Party

The kids were off at their grandparents' house over St Patty's Day.

But Josh and I were so busy with the tub that we didn't even remember it was St Pat's and forgot to wear green.

So we had a mini-celebration tonight after the kids got home.  Josh's mom had sent some Irish gear for the kids to wear.

 

And what Irish celebration is complete without a jig?



or two....



or three....

or four?



Happy belated St Patrick's Day!

My Funny Valentine.... Date

I wanted to plan a nice date for Josh and me to have for Valentines Day this year.  I've never planned our Valentines before.  Yep.  12 Valentines together and this was the first one I planned. 

I decided to take him somewhere we couldn't generally go with the kids.  It was pretty obvious where we could go when I heard an ad on the radio for the Body Worlds exhibit at the Arizona Science Center.  This exhibit had come to Denver in 2006, just before we had our membership to the museum.  It was too far away and too expensive to justify going, I thought.  But Josh really wanted to go.  He even considered taking his brother with him, but with school schedules it just didn't pan out. 

I've been a little nervous about going to this exhibit.  I wanted to go because Josh has wanted to see it for five years.  But when you explain it to people, it sounds like a lesson on being a psychotic serial killer.  A scientist named Gunther von Hagens discovered a way to stop the decomposition of the human body, providing a real sample of the human body that can be studied repeatedly, not just in a one time instance like a typical cadaver. 

Yeah, that's where the weirdness kind of comes in.  The exhibit is a display of actual human bodies that have exposed muscles, bones and organs.  But to walk through it is a whole different type of experience.




I was a little nervous that my sad mood from the previous day was going to be a problem, but I had a lot of fun being with Josh and seeing the wonder of the human body.  After seeing, and I mean literally seeing, how incredible the body is, no one can ever convince me that we are on this Earth by chance. 

There was even a little healing that happened.  While looking at the displays of fetuses (feti?) I realized how there is so much that could go wrong in a baby's development.  Much more than I knew.  No wonder there are such horrible things as miscarriages.  So much needs to come together just right.  The complexities of the body are so difficult to comprehend.

And really, the displays of the people weren't really all that creepy.  And I don't do creepy very well.  Quite honestly I did get a little queasy at one point of the exhibit.  But I had to disconnect myself from the reality of what I was looking at.  I definitely think the exhibit is not for everyone, but was still pretty amazing to see.  Josh seemed to enjoy it, and that was the whole point.

Probably the most amazing thing of the whole exhibit (beyond the fascination of the complexity of life) is the fact that all of the full bodies were permanently posed.  There was one called the Diver.  It was a woman on the edge of a diving board.  The front part of her body came over her toes as if she was about to dive, her organs and center of her body stood up straight so you could see how they all fit within her body, and the back of her looked like it was leaning backward.  The only things holding her in position were her two big toes that were secured onto the diving board.  There were no strings, no cases, just this technique Dr von Hagens invented called Plastination where a polymer is infused into the cells.  And the exhibit didn't smell, either. 

If I hadn't experienced this myself and was just reading about it, I'd probably be a little sick to my stomach.  After all, I nearly fainted a few months ago when I sliced my finger.  But you have to see it to truly appreciate it. 

Of course, there were also displays of things like the brain, heart, lungs, intestines, artificial joints, and other such things. 

It really was an amazing thing to experience.

After the museum we decided to grab some lunch before heading home.  So we headed to the Hard Rock Cafe.  Josh and I have both been to the Cafe before, but in different cities and with different people.  So this was our first visit together.  And really, I think he agreed to go because he knew I'd enjoy it and we'd just spent a few hours at the museum.  It was nice of him to agree.  So we sat down and noticed that the display over our table was John Lennon's jacket.  Hello!  Awesome! 

In the menu it explained that Eric Clapton asked his favorite restaurant, Hard Rock Cafe London, to mark his preferred table with a plaque with his name on it.  They said, how about a guitar instead?  He agreed and the rest is history.  So I had to wonder.... if Clapton comes into the London Cafe and wants his table is it something where it's always vacant in case he comes in, or will the people eating there have to move?  Josh told me it's probably the second, people would be asked to move. 

Then he said, "If John Lennon came in here and wanted this table, don't you think you'd move?"  I laughed and told him, "No.  I'd say, 'No, John Lennon's ghost!  You can't have my table I was here first!'"  Really, I'd probably have to be removed by the staff because I'd have fainted and fallen on the ground.  Then I'd buy a Hard Rock t-shirt and have him sign it and make a million dollars on E-bay.  I'm guessing.

All in all, it was a great date.  We're starting to realize the importance of doing activities it wouldn't be good to do with kids whenever we can.  Otherwise, we'll never do them.  There's no way the kids could've come to the Body Worlds with us and the Hard Rock is a little too expensive to buy food that may or may not be eaten.  I loved being with Josh and laughing with him and having conversations about things other than what the kids are doing. 

I'm even more excited for our vacation next month.

Christmas 2010

Since it's almost New Year's, I figured I'd post some of our pictures from Christmas.

Santa was generous and pretty much amazing this year.  He really stepped it up.  Every kid got exactly what they asked for.

Matt asked for a remote control monster truck.  Does it matter that that's exactly what he got from Santa last year?  Nah, why would it? 

Abby got a unicorn Pillow Pet.  Abby was wishy-washy all December about what she wanted for Christmas, but there was one thing she continually asked for: a unicorn Pillow Pet. 

Millie hasn't had a lot of experience with Santa yet, so she didn't really know that she needed to ask for something.  Besides, even if she had, I think she would've only asked for a shoe, sock, book, or snack since those are most of her favorite words.  However, Santa did think about how she loves cars and when we told him that she loved the ride-on cars at Cindy's house last month, he put two and two together and got her favorite gift of the year.

And the number one gift Santa brought was the tortoise that Emma has been asking for for a little over two years.  He's so cute and little, but he has the potential of growing to be 18" and 40 lbs.  Eventually he will be an outdoor pet, but for now he lives in the tank Emma's sitting in front of.  She named him Dribble, like the turtle in the Judy Blume book Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing.  But this little guy is a tortoise, not a turtle.  Emma has happily taken on the responsibility of being a pet owner and everyone loves to peek in at him all throughout the day.

There are a few other pictures, but I won't bore you.  It was an awesome day and we had a great Christmas weekend. 

Merry Creepy Christmas

Christmas is definitely my favorite time of year.  I love the actual meaning, first off.  The birth of our Savior is the greatest gift of all.

But I also love the other aspects of the year: the lights, the tree, the stockings, the movies, the music, the TV specials, the gifts, Santa, the goodies.  All of it. 

Well, most of it.

I really don't enjoy the song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside."  Have you ever heard the lyrics?  Let me enlighten you.  It's a duet between a man and woman.  Basically, she says she has to go.  He says the storm is too awful to be in so she should just stay.  Sounds cute, maybe a little flirty.

No.

It starts out all nice:

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

Then she starts to question what's in her drink.  Um, did he slip her a mickey?  He's definitely moving in on her....

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
.....
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out

Then comes the definitive line.  No means NO, Buddy.  But it sure doesn't stop him.  If nothing else, this dude needs to be cited for sexual harassment.....

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

There's more to the song.  I've heard it beautifully sung.  The melody is great, I love the harmonies, but the lyrics are a bit creepy.  I'd think the ideal guy to sing this song is the guy in this commercial:
 



I couldn't remember which jeweler did this commercial so I went to YouTube and looked for "creepy diamond commercial."  Yep.  Found it. 

Creepy, creepy, creepy.

I Wish It Was Christmas Today

In case you, like me, need a holiday pick-me-up.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

I realized today that everyone has a Christmas tree story.  Whether it's the imitation tree you grew up with or the fantastical glory of chopping a new tree every year. 

So I thought about it.

What is my favorite tree story?

There's the tree we have now.  I bought it two days after Christmas a few years ago.  It was 75% off and pre-lit.  Bonus.  (If you did not read that word in a high pitched sing-song voice, you need to go back and read it again.)



December 2010
Emma convinced the kids to pretend they were watching a movie....



I think the tree was supposed to be the movie....

They are weird kids.

There's the tree we had back in college.  My roommate Tara and her dad picked up a tree for our apartment.  It was tall and a bit sparse.  A tall Charlie Brown-ish tree.

December 1996
Pardon the crop-job on this one.  It was the only pic I had of it.

There's also the one from when I was a kid.  We had one year in particular that our family just struggled.  I'll never forget it.  I was in second grade.  My mom took me and sat me down to explain that there wasn't enough money for very many presents and we wouldn't be able to have a tree that year.  I was disappointed, but I didn't want my parents to feel bad so I put on a brave face.  I got home from school one day and there was a decorated Christmas tree in our living room.  I said to my mom, "I thought we couldn't have a tree this year!"  She told me that this tree had been sitting on our doorstep and someone had ding-dong-ditched it.  That was a pleasant surprise during a difficult holiday season.  I don't have a picture of that one.

But I think my favorite memory (this year, at least) will be the tree from Josh's and my first Christmas.  I've probably already told you the story, but I can't remember for sure.  So I'll tell it again. 

Josh and I had gone to his parents' house to go sledding a few days before we got our tree.  They lived on this huge hill and it was ideal for such an activity.  Yes, the hill had slope, snow, and, unbeknownst to us, huge boulders hiding underneath the snow.  Josh and his sister went down the hill, hit one of these huge mounds of rock, and CRASHED!  The plastic sled they had flown down on splintered and busted into thousands of pieces.  Josh, who was in front, hit the rock with his butt.  His sister (who was about 11) slammed into Josh's back so hard that she was knocked unconscious.  The ride to the urgent care was perilous with Josh occasionally fainting out of pain.  The doctor told him he had a bruised tailbone, but we both wonder if there was a hairline fracture there that they missed.  (His sister was fine, btw, Josh gave her a blessing right there on the spot and she had no lasting problems.)

And yet, he still went trekking out into the Pike National Forest with me on our quest for the perfect tree for our first Christmas.  And he cut it down and even hauled it back to our Bronco II to bring it home.  He then took pain meds and went to bed.

December 1999

It's not a pretty tree.  I don't know that any of the trees you cut down from the forest really are beautiful.  They don't fit the ideal description of a large, bushy, full pine.  They're more mutt-ish.  But when the man you love trudges through the snow (and every time he lifts his leg high enough to clear the several inches of white stuff it causes severe pain in his rear) just to attempt a new tradition with his blushing bride, it's got to be a favorite memory. 

Granted, we have not gone to cut down our Christmas tree since, but it was a lovely thought.

Going Old School

Ever watch the show "Cake Boss"?  I swear that you can depend on Buddy (the owner of the bakery the show follows) to use the term "old school" at least once an episode. 

It's time for me to go Old School.  It's time for some pictures chronicling our lives.

We spent last Tuesday in St George, UT, with my sister Tara and her family as they became an eternal family.  The St George temple is oldest functioning LDS temple in the world.  It is amazing to think of the craftsmanship that went in to building this temple over 100 years ago.

We got no good shots of Tara and Jabon with our camera, but I loved this one.  It looks like Ashton (the little guy at the bottom of the pic) is telling the paparazzi, "No more pictures, please."

The kids and I had spent the previous five days with our friends.  Here are our children trying to pose for a picture together. 

Trying to pose again.

Trying to pose again.

Thanksgiving morning my sister and I participated in a 5k.  Yes, my second one is less than a week's time.  I'm already becoming a seasoned racer.  Ha ha.  The proceeds from the race went to benefit a young woman we happen to know from church who is fighting a rare form of leukemia. 

Styling.

Josh was so nice to take pictures of us along the way.

I look like I'm walking, but I'm really not.  I promise.

At the end of the race we saw the finish line and I asked Tara if she had enough left to really run to the end.  She said she didn't.  Then we rounded the corner and the girl took off.  Of course, I did what any normal sister would do.  I called her a big liar and then sprinted to make sure she didn't leave me in the dust.  We crossed the finish line together.  And only 49 seconds slower than my brother and I had done just a few days before.

If you can just imagine a bunch of chaos, driving hundreds of miles, some antibiotics, lots of food, and plenty of extended family, then you can grasp an idea of what all the details in between the pictures are. 

It's been a fun and crazy holiday.

#24 I'm Thankful For.....

Last year I ventured out into Black Friday for the first time.  Both of my older girls wanted Nintendo DS's for Christmas.  Emma told me everything was going to be okay because Santa would bring hers.  How do you argue with that?

So I went and stood in line at Walmart for over an hour to get the NDSes.  By the time I got up there, I was told I could only have one.  Problem was I have two daughters.  Luckily, my sister Tara has more gumption than I do and she literally stepped in and got that second one for me.

My sister-in-law was teasing me a bit because I was holding the two small boxes constantly.  They didn't sit in our cart for even a second.  There was no way I was taking the chance that I would lose either of my two prizes. 

This year, I'm thankful I don't have to go to Black Friday for more affordable Christmas presents.  I can go if I want to, but I don't have to.



I'm so thankful for that!

Getting Ready.....

We're having some fun at our house getting ready for Halloween.  Costumes are being constructed or are already completed.  Decorating is in progress, though right now our only decoration is a tombstone that reads "Vacancy."  And we've been playing with Jib Jab.  You can see one of our creations above (until the link expires, at least) and here you can see my favorite one that we just made.

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Happy Halloween!!!

Finally Making It Ours

So, since I shared just about every step in our process to buy our house, why not share just about every step in moving into our house? I know, you've just fallen onto your knees in JOY and HAPPINESS. I'm just a generous sort of person like that.

Well, Saturday we changed the locks and got our new doorknobs. They are very beautiful, by the way. Josh had to work that night and Millie had a fever, so that was all we got to do that day. Then on Sunday I spent five hours of my Mother's Day washing walls. The previous tenants' daughter was named Skye and she's six. I know this because she wrote her name and and age on the walls. Along with lots of other artwork. I swear that mother had better have had a good Mother's Day since I was left cleaning her kids' junk off the walls.

Luckily, today we painted over most of what I couldn't scrub off. We began yesterday and we'll be working a lot tomorrow as well. I'll post pictures when I can.

And, I swear, if any of my kids ever write on the walls, I'll do something. I don't know what, but something.

Weight Loss Whoopsie

So, yeah.

This week wasn't my best week in the weight loss arena. This new school program may just be the death of me. We got our supplies Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday was mostly spent at the cardiologist, and so Thursday was our first attempt to teach with all the required materials.

Imagine with me: Three children, three curriculum plans, two children each needing to complete four hours of school and the third needing two, one laptop computer without wireless access so it was wired in the bedroom where Josh was trying to sleep after working the night before and the wire to the router is so short each kid had to sit with me on the floor against the bedroom door. We started school at 8:30am and finished sometime around 6pm. Needless to say, I missed some exercise, for a few days in a row. Then I fell off the bandwagon with a little bit of frustration and ate any chocolate I could find. (I was surprised how much I was able to scrounge up.)

So I lost nothing this week. Ugh. But, I'll just dust myself off and try again next week. And Valentine's Day and its plethora of delicious sugar isn't helping me any at all.

But, as we always say.....

WE CAN DO IT!!!

How'd you do?

Christmas in Pictures

Here is a video montage of our Christmas this year.

Enjoy.

The Talented Mrs Johnson

During this Christmas season, I discovered a talent of mine. I knew that I recognized voices fairly well. When I was about ten I'd freak out the missionaries that would call our house asking for my dad (he was the ward mission leader). I'd call them by name just to hear them mumble, "How'd she know it was me?" It's the little things that bring me joy.

This year, however, Josh and I played a little game with the radio. In our car, the radio has the really cool "Info" button that tells you who is singing. It's amazing! No more cursing at the DJ's for neglecting to announce song artists. So as we were listening to the cheery Christmas music, we'd make guesses as to who was singing the familiar carols. 8 times out of 10, I was right. It was amazing! Bing Crosby. Harry Connick, Jr. Vanessa Williams. Carrie Underwood. Andy Williams. I was like a cornucopia of frivolous music trivia! But when Josh got one right it was a big deal too. :)

It got me thinking--which talents are cool and which ones are nerdy? I was beginning to consider this one nerdy. Kind of like someone who can count cards. Really cool at first, but then you wonder what kind of freaky mind powers they must possess. Okay, not really, but it was a bit freaky. More like my obsession with movies and tv. Cool or nerdy?

Never mind. I don't think I really want to know.

Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas, Everyone! I hope your Christmas was a great as ours!

Polar Express

We started our Christmas Eve off with a challenge for the kids. We began watching The Polar Express and were talking about how cool it would be for the Polar Express to show up in our yard. But the problem was that we didn't have any snow at our house. So, we realized we needed snow. Also, the train seemed to go through a canyon of some sort. We put the two clues together and figured out that we could go to the Grand Canyon to look for the Polar Express.

The kids were worried about missing Santa, so I told them that we could for sure be back in time for Santa. To sweeten the deal, I told them they could each bring one present to open. The catch to that was that they had to chose the present labeled "Don't open until Dec 24."

We drove to Flagstaff and then headed west toward the Grand Canyon. In the book, the boy's sister discovers the bell from Santa, so family is also very important to the story. Because of that, we decided to stop in a town called Williams (my maiden name). We had the choice to go either right (toward the Grand Canyon) or left (toward Williams). Abby needed the restroom, so we decided to stop in Williams and take the Historic Route 66 like in the movie Cars.

We got in to town and low-and-behold there was a train station with a giant train labeled Polar Express!!! We saw that the people there were all wearing their pajamas and we wondered if we'd be allowed on the train. We all got really nervous. While the rest of us went to the potty, Josh went to see if the train was expecting us, like they did for the kids in the story.

We found Josh and discovered that we couldn't enter the train without jammies. Then the train left. It left without us! We couldn't believe it! I thought we needed something to help us feel better, so the kids opened their presents. They were shocked to discover that each of them just opened a gift of PAJAMAS!!!

We still needed tickets. Josh asked the kids what the conductor told the boy to do in the movie. The conductor said to check his pocket. Josh looked in his pocket--nothing. Then we remembered the conductor told the boy to look in his other pocket. And there were the tickets! So we had tickets for the next train, pajamas, and a picnic dinner which we ate out in the freezing cold.

Matt was a bit miserable.

Abby remembered how to bundle up.

Emma happily gobbled her homemade sugar cookie as we waited.

Josh and Millie were so cute!!

This picture almost didn't make it on here. Who's that fattie with Emma? Gross. ('Fess Up Friday resumes next week!)

We entered the train, rode to the North Pole, listened to a reading of the Polar Express, got to the North Pole, saw Santa and his elves, got a gift from Santa and a few gifts from the Polar Express people, sang carols, and had a magical time. It was a great trip, but I think our anticipation was the most exciting part of the whole thing. I'll happily go again. But probably not on Christmas Eve. We'll do our exploring earlier in the season next year, I think.

In case you didn't get a good idea of what Josh's jammies looked like, here's a better shot. Isn't he the cutest thing in the whole world? Just ask the people of Black Canyon, AZ. Sorry, inside joke.

Christmas Morning

To avoid the huge montage of pictures we took this morning, here is one of each kid. This year's homemade gift was a pottery piece I painted with my sister, Tara. Tara made piggy banks for her boys and I made collectibles for each of my kids.

Emma has been asking for a turtle, so I got her one.

Abby loves horses, princesses and pink. So she got a pink unicorn.

Matt likes frogs.

I didn't know what Millie would grow up to like, so I chose this really cute lady bug for her. And it was really cool that we found a really cute new onesie with a lady bug on it too. It was on sale.

We had a wonderful time together. Josh shocked me with getting me Rockband Beatles. How the heck he pulled it off is a mystery. He's tricky. I can't wait to rock out with him.