Wonderings of a Former Actor

Lately I've been thinking about "Do Overs". If I had the chance to do something over again, would I?

What exactly I'm thinking about is "Would I do my college acting career over again if I had the chance?"

My first show, September 2003, that's me in the background.

My answer to that is, "I don't know."




A lot of incredible things happened when I went onstage in college. Onstage I found a person I never knew existed. A strong woman who worked hard and did well. I loved basking in the energy of a room full of people awaiting to see what art I could accomplish. I enjoyed the challenge of playing a person so completely different than me. I lived on the adrenaline rush of making an audience laugh or cry. I got to do things that others only dream of doing.

My brother JC and me (again in the background) in DMW. May 2006.

But there were some things that weren't nearly so positive. If you noticed, all the good things focus on me and my feelings. This was my major, my experience, my necessity. Josh actually got to share quite a bit of this experience with me, so I had him with me for a lot of it, but I expected a lot of support from him, more than I gave him I'm afraid to admit.



I also was required to read, watch, and act plays and movies that were not uplifting. My spirituality took a hard hit during my years at school. Besides my incredible husband, I think the only other thing that really saved my activity in the church was my calling as the Gospel Doctrine teacher. It was a tough calling to keep up with, especially with my hectic schedule, but the Lord knew I needed it. I needed it more than my class needed me.

DMW again. I only seem to have pictures from the dramas, not comedies. I look constipated.

I also had rehearsals from 7pm to 10pm Monday through Friday for six to twelve weeks a semester. That's a lot of missed bedtimes. A lot.

This is from one of the shows we took from drama to comedy two days before we opened. But this is just me backstage getting ready. I had to eat liverwurst onstage. The sign of a dedicated actor is when you don't gag on gross food your character loves. Blech! Feb 2005.

Writing it out, it seems obvious. If I had my college acting career to do over again, would I? No, I wouldn't. But that's because I already know that I was pretty good at what I did and I no longer need to prove anything to myself.

What's really important.

Now, I have an incredible husband, four strong and beautiful kids, a wonderful home, extended family I get to see often, and a strong testimony of the Gospel. Right now, this is what I need. It's even what I want (most days). And maybe I'll get to do theatre again someday. Maybe I'll even get to do it on my terms.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Ready For a Shock?

Guess what....

....Not all the decisions I make are wrong!!!!

Today I had a few affirmations that, although I seem to make decisions that lead me down a rough road, it's the right one.

I had a few ladies from church stop by and visit today and this is where I had my realizations.

Affirmation 1: Home schooling is the right choice. As much as I complain about home school, I'm starting to get it. We're getting done by a decent time everyday, the kids are learning, and we're (for the most part) enjoying being together. One of my new friends told me that she completely understood why I wanted to home school the kids. She said that the elementary school across the street from us is the "Freddy Krueger" school. And it's not just because the testing scores are so low. I'm so glad to know that my efforts to teach, lifestyle alterations, and lessened time for myself is worth it.

Affirmation 2: Completing my theatre degree at a small college gave me more opportunity than if I went to a large school. The other of my new friends told me about how she was a Theatre Major at BYU. As I began to envy her, we started swapping stories and I realized how blessed I was to go to a much smaller school with a small department. She told me that she got to be involved in two shows during her six years in school. I was in about nine shows, directed one (the best one the school's ever seen, in my humble opinion), designed costumes, dramaturged, house managed, designed sets, and had an incredible time doing it. I'm sure she got the more complete book education, but I was able to acquire so much experience. I had always dreamed of going to BYU and never thought I was good enough to go there. Now I realize that, good enough or not, little po-dunk Adams State College gave me the experience I needed and wanted. I did more than most. How can I regret that?

I know that I don't make a whole lot of bad decisions, but it sure is nice to recognize that those things that make me question myself were/are good things after all.

Anniversary Countdown Part I

Taking a cue from my friend Mindy who wrote a series of posts about how she and her husband met, I thought I'd do the same thing.

Friday is our 10th anniversary, hence the countdown ticker to the right. I've been thinking quite a bit about our love story. It's pretty rushed and, really, we started off pretty rough. But, since it's the Big 1-0, I thought I'd make it a theme this week. So, here it goes...

Preparing to Meet

In October 1996, a few months after graduating from high school, Josh's family moved from Tempe, Arizona, to Woodland Park, Colorado. He actually submitted the paperwork to serve a mission for our church from their previous home and his call to serve his mission arrived at his uncle's house in Colorado a couple days before his family did. He spent just a few months in Colorado before boarding a plane for Durban, South Africa, where he spent the next two years.

In October 1996, I was beginning my first year at Utah State University. I was in a somewhat frustrated state of life. I didn't really know what I wanted to major in and felt lost quite often. I mostly went to college to find a boyfriend, but that didn't pan out very well. And, all of my male friends from high school were all preparing for their own missions, so there went all of those options. I was pretty sure I was going to be a 19-year-old Old Maid. I began writing to my friends as they headed out on their missions. I was determined that even if I had to wait two years, I was going to secure a few dates. I sent letters to Brazil, Venezuela, Mexico. Czech Republic, and several other places throughout the world. At one time I think I had a dozen young men I was dutifully writing to (one was my cousin but that was just because he's my cousin--no date warranted there).

I barely made it through that year of college (special thanks to my dear, dear friend Tara!), and made a few hasty dating decisions during that time. I even said the "L" word to one boyfriend even though I knew I didn't. But, he said it first! It wasn't my fault and I came away having learned a lesson about love (and non-love). Because I was paying my own way through school, I decided to take time off until I knew what to study because I didn't want to waste money on indirection. I worked full time and the following February (1998) I decided to move with my family from Utah to Colorado. We ended up in Woodland Park.

Not long after arriving in Colorado my dad and I were asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting (in the LDS church the members of the congregation take turns addressing the entire congregation each Sunday). I got up and spoke and unbeknownst to me, my future mother-in-law received personal inspiration that I was going to marry her son. She immediately began plotting. She asked me if I would add her son, Joshua, to my list of missionary pen pals since she wasn't as consistent a letter writer as I was (still had a dozen possible beaus at this time). I told her I would, but he'd have to write to me first--what the heck was I supposed to write to this stranger about?

Back in South Africa, Josh was working hard and was in a meeting with several authority figures when the front office called back to the meeting and told him they thought there might be an emergency because his mother was on the phone (phone calls in the mission field are limited to Christmas, Mother's Day, and extreme emergencies). Josh worriedly answered the phone and was greeted with, "Elder Johnson, I met your wife today." After hashing out letter writing details with his mom as quickly as possible, Josh turned back to the rest of the room who were worried about what the emergency was. Josh told them his mom found his wife. They all breathed a sigh of relief and continued with their meeting.

Over the next few months Josh and I exchanged letters telling the other about ourselves. Josh told me all about South Africa and I told him all about my boring life in a small mountain town where the big thing was to hang out at the newly opened Safeway (true story). I definitely got the more interesting letters. Problem was, mail service to and from South Africa is very slow. It took three to four weeks for a letter to be delivered. Evidently he sent me a package for my birthday, but I never got it. I sent him a package for his birthday (complete with a whoopee cushion, fingerpaints, and a couple 3 Muskateer bars). I looked forward to getting mail from "The Johnson Boy" as my dad called him.

Around July or August of 1998 I decided I wanted to serve a mission also. I wasn't eligible to submit my paperwork for a mission for another few months (not until my birthday in September), but I let everyone around me know of my intentions. Somehow, before my birthday, Josh's dad asked me to commit to teach a religion class to high school student (Seminary) for the following school year and then consider a mission after that time. I say "somehow" because Josh's dad admitted later that he was trying to keep me around until his son would be home in January. There seemed to be a few conspiracies involved in all of this.

Near the end of his two years in South Africa, Josh served in the country of Swaziland. Because he was very isolated out there, his mission president allowed him to email (missionaries now get to email all the time). He was given permission to email me, specifically, once a week. By this point we had exchanged pictures (I devilishly sent him a headshot since it made me look like a hotty) and we emailed every Monday and wrote snail mail as regularly as possible.

December 1998, Josh was preparing to come home. His Visa expired the end of the month and although he would be short a couple of weeks of a full two years, extending his Visa was more trouble than it was worth, so he'd get to come home before Christmas. I was so nervous! Everyone at church knew we'd been writing and they knew he was coming home soon. All I knew was that I had spent several months writing to this guy that had a great sense of humor, a strong spiritual nature, and secretly excited me. I was very worried, but hoping, that this guy was the one.

I Come to Wive It Wealthily in Padua

Yes, I quote TV, movies and Shakespeare. Who can't help but love Taming of the Shrew? Katharine's got some of the greatest lines ever. (Ever seen the Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton version? It's GREAT!)

I can't quite tell you why I have a fascination with Shakespeare, but I do. By the way, I totally feel a lesson coming on here, so be prepared. I took a course on Shakespeare from my mentor Carolyn, who is revered as the Shakespeare scholar throughout Colorado colleges. I learned so much and then had the opportunity to sit in the class again and lead study groups as her teaching assistant the year after I graduated. I loved it. The theories...the symbolism...the puns. It's great. And yet, if Shakespeare lived today he'd be thought of as a hack since back in the 16th/17th centuries it was no big deal for someone to plagiarize another person's works. The only thing was, Shakespeare tweaked it enough for it to live for centuries. Ever hear of Christopher Marlowe? Didn't think so. (BTW, Marlowe may have written the original Romeo and Juliet.)

Anyway, April 23 is listed as Bill's death day. No one really knows what happened. Some think that it may have been his birthday (he was baptized as an infant on April 26) and he partied too hard and died. Don't know. But I thought I'd pay tribute to the man that I've often considered gaining a Master's Degree in. I still may someday. According to Carolyn, even better than studying Shakespeare in school is to be a dramaturg for a Shakespeare Company. A dramaturg is the researcher to make sure a play is historically-correctly portrayed. I did that for a George Bernard Shaw play I was in and loooved it. I have my dad's interest in history and trivia and my mom's intensity to study. I was born to dramaturg.

Going on...my New Year's resolution for 2007 was to begin our family genealogy. As everything I begin, I worked my tail off. Matt was having heart surgery in the middle of March and I had found a lot of names to enter on Josh's side of the family. I entered over 5000 names before Matt's surgery. It was a lot of work, but I happily did it. (Less than two months later my laptop crashed and I lost all of my work and hadn't backed it up. Can we say, "Oh crap!"?) Someone else in Josh's family had already done a lot of work and I just discovered it and entered it. I found out that Josh's family had a lot of royalty in their line: Charlemagne and other various kings and queens. Even Old King Cole. Did you know he was real? I had printed all this information out and flipped through it at one point and discovered that there was a King Malcolm from Scotland. This one stumped me. I knew I'd heard of him before, but couldn't figure out from where. I asked Josh if he was the king in Braveheart, but Josh said that king was English. I continued what I was doing and eventually forgot all about it. Finally, I got to inputting the information on those pages I had flipped through. I entered King Malcolm and then turned the page to his father, King Duncan. At this point I was reeling. Who the heck were these people? I knew them, I knew that I knew them. And then I found the dude's death date. It was a specific day and year (sometime in the 13th or 14th century). At this point, all the dates were listed as just years, so I knew this was something of interest. Then I saw the note next to the death date and place: "Killed by Macbeth." Josh's extremely great-grandfather was the king killed by Macbeth, whose son was accused of it so he left the land and eventually came home to reclaim his crown when he was found innocent. Granted, Shakespeare altered historic events to create great drama, but Josh's family is FAMOUS!!! I thought this was soo cool! We have a famous family.

Now, don't judge me for claiming Josh's family line as my own. I brought some royalty to the mix as well. Such as the Spencers, as in Diana Princess of Wales. Oh, yeah.

And we've got Lady Godiva. I was going to post a picture of her, but she's famous for protesting against her husband's taxation on the people by riding her horse naked through the town. (Anyone else think of Abby on that one?)

So, Josh brings to our family a man killed by "Something wicked this way comes" and my contribution is a nudist. Are we the coolest people, or what?

Happy 445th birthday, Shakespeare!

Mom No Aqui

The other day in response to "Mom! Mom! Mom!" I called back, "Mom no aqui!" I know I should be grateful that I get to be one of the few stay-at-home moms that I know, but sometimes I don't want to deal with all the squabbles, the laundry, making dinner, scrubbing the bathrooms, mopping the kitchen floor, vacuuming the house, doing the dishes, picking up and dropping off the kids, changing the diapers, changing the linens, and all the other things that I need to do everyday. Sometimes I just want a break, or a vacation, or to go on strike.

Well by using the word "aqui" I've pretty much showed off all of the Spanish that I know. And the only reason I know it is because I said it in a play. I also said, "Dos cervezas por favor." (That means "Two beers, please.") Don't worry, I've never said that other than the play. I played a suicidal alcoholic that tries to kill herself by going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. It sounds depressing, but it was probably one of the funniest plays I did. I carried the barrel around a bit at the beginning of the play. It was big enough for me to squat down in. I wish I had a picture. The funniest scene was when my character got drunk and sat in the barrel playing with the little alcohol bottles from the mini-bar with a shower cap on my head. Well, one of the funniest. And, like I said, I learned some Spanish. Who says you don't learn anything in college?

A (ahem) Stroller Down Memory Lane

Today we bought Millie a Travel System. If you're unfamiliar with baby items, this is a combination of a stroller and a carrier carseat. We gave our old one away, with everything else baby that we once owned. And it took Josh and me a while to figure out which system we wanted. We chose one that looks a lot like this one:

Isn't it pretty?

Looking at these systems caused me to jog down Memory Lane, imagine that. We used our first travel system until it fell apart. I mean that very literally. We wore it out. We got it for Emma in 2001 and used it through 2003. We moved onto campus to return to school in 2002 and needed a way to carry our little girls around. Campus was too small to drive everywhere, but too big to carry an infant and toddler around. So, naturally, we used our stroller (Abby had outgrown the carseat at 4 months old). But, being poor college students, we couldn't get a double stroller, so we just put both girls in the single stroller. The problem was, Abby was still very young, but a beefy baby. See?

Weebles Wobble, But They Don't Fall Down

So, there wasn't enough room for Emma to sit with her in the seat. So, Emma, who was very petitewould actually sit in the basket underneath the seat--I'll pause for a second while you scroll back up to look at the stroller. She'd climb in from the back of the stroller and sit cross-legged. She was very comfortable, most of the time. Fortunately for her, once she outgrew the basket the whole thing fell apart. I searched through all of my pictures to see if I happened to have captured that sight, but I couldn't find one.

Sometimes I have to wonder, how do college students make it, and then I remember stories like this--you just make it!