Spotlight: Emma

There are 3 weeks left to get myself ready for our big day.  There's still so much to do, but I wanted to take a little time to focus on our other babies before the next one arrives.

The perfect excuse to use to begin this spotlight is the fact that Emma's birthday was last week.  Yep.  I have an 11-year-old.  Last year was a big deal because she was turning double digits, but this year struck me a bit differently: Next year my daughter will be a Young Woman complete with mutual nights, Personal Progress, and Girls' Camp.  Holy cow.

The birthday girl

I'm not really sure why I'm so surprised by this fact.  Emma is quickly becoming a teenager.

Emma and Josh (with Emma's birthday flowers) at lunch on her birthday.

I used to have this dream when I was little.  We were at a family gathering.  I guess I viewed one of my aunts as talking a lot and quickly because I remember being a little kid and looking up at the adults all standing around gabbing and this particular aunt quickly spurting, "Blahlalalalalalalalala ha ha ha ha ha!"

I now have this dream about my daughter.

I love Emma so much and I don't mean to make fun of her, but she has always been quite a talker herself.   And now those fast-paced tirades include subjects like math class, recess with her friends, band, student council, and of course boys.  There are times I have to pause her so I can leave the room long enough to use the bathroom.

Student of the Month

I do love that Emma is so busy.  And I love that she keeps me informed of her daily happenings.  She makes me laugh and shake my head.  Mostly because there are times when I relate to her so much more than she can understand.

She is my daughter, that's for sure!

It's a Funny Thing...

I have to admit that talking about my apprehensions about this pregnancy has really helped me begin to ready myself for the reality of our Little Miss Sarah.  This is a good thing.  The diapers are stocking up.  The baby clothes have been gathered (they still need washing and folding, but they exist in our home).  And Sarah is being referred to by name.

Sarah's last ultrasound, three weeks ago. 

Of course, there are some other factors that have helped bring this reality into play.  One was a trip to Babies R Us.  It's been a while since we've leisurely strolled through that store, looking at all the cute little baby stuff.  And there are so many cute things to wish for.  We did find a way cute bumper and crib sheet set that I'm excited to put into place.  And it was on clearance.... bonus!

These are the wall decals we got to match our cute little bumper.

Another smack-you-in-the-face-obvious factor is the hormone level coupled with my Swiss cheese pregnancy brain.  Matt says my temper tantrums are funny. I asked him why.  He said, "Because when you get mad you say, 'Go to your room and go... do... get ready for bed!'"

I kind of liked Matt's perspective of all of this chaos in our lives right now.  There are some funny and ridiculous things happening around us.  Or in my case, to us.

I was at the self-checkout line at the grocery store the other day.  I pulled up to the scanner and scanned my customer card.  The automated checker graciously greeted me and then told me to remove my items from the scanner.  I was confused because all my items were still in my cart.  It was at that moment that I realized, it wasn't my groceries on the scanner, it was my ever-expanding baby belly!

I know I look very large.  Probably because I am very large.  Easter Sunday I sang with the ward choir.  I walked up behind Bishopric but knew I had no chance of fitting in the seats behind the piano and organ.  So I got the space at the end of the line of altos.  I felt very exposed.  And to make it worse, I had to stand sort of sideways to see the director so my girth's profile was evident to the entire ward.  I know I looked ridiculously pregnant.  How do I know?  Because I was showered with a combination of sympathetic looks and questions of, "You're sure it's not twins?"

29 days.....

The Two Steins

Today the kids were sitting at the table doing their homework when Emma mentioned Einstein.  Abby asked why he was such a big deal.  I said he was a mathematical genius.

Matt looked a little confused.  "I thought he didn't have a brain."

Before I could question him, Abby told him, "That's Frankenstein, not Einstein."

Post-Miscarriage Pregnancy Baggage

It has been brought to my attention that there are 55 days until Baby Day.  This was thanks to the huge bulge causing me to not fit my clothes.  And the heartburn that's piercing my chest.  Oh, and those pesky appointments the OB doctor continues to insist that I attend.

But I really am having a hard time grasping the reality of the situation.  I blame the miscarriages.

There's still a stigma of believing this baby is coming.  It's like a mental block.  Can I really let myself believe that I'll get to hold a little beautiful baby in just 55 days?  A part of me says, "Yes!"  But there's still a part of me that is afraid the answer might be No.

That's the part that has been sneaking into my brain a bit too much.  Things are obviously different this time.

Usually by this point in the pregnancy I...

• have a large stock of diapers 
• have my to-do list of cleaning nearly finished
• have baby clothes washed and put away, ready for baby
• prepare for whatever holidays will be happening directly after the baby is born
• call the baby by the name we plan to give him/her

I'm trying.  I'm really trying to have the faith that this is happening.  My small stockpile of 4 bags of diapers is slowly growing.  My cleaning to-do list is still just mentally composed, but I hope it will be on paper soon and then actually carried out.  I received a couple boxes of climate-appropriate clothing from one of Josh's coworkers and this has saved me.  I totally forgot that the few little baby clothes I have in boxes in the garage were for a baby born in Montana in December and not a baby born in Arizona in May.  I know I need to have Abby's birthday and even Matt's birthday and baptism somewhat prepared for since they will be happening pretty quickly after the baby comes.

Which brings me to my last point of hesitation.  The baby's name.  We've told the kids what we plan to name our baby.  They all refer to her by the name.  In fact, Millie not only calls the baby by her name but readily identifies things for the baby and makes the connection between the two.  So taking a cue from my 3-year-old, I have made more of an effort to call our baby by the name we plan to give her, Sarah.  Sarah Rebekah Louise.

I've learned that I'm not the only post-miscarriage pregnant woman who has been slow to accept reality.  This makes me feel better.  Maybe I'm not losing faith.  Maybe I'm just normal.  In the meantime I plan to remind myself to do the things I know I'll want done.  And it may not be until I hold that precious baby girl (Sarah) in my arms that this all finally hits me.  

55 days.

A Bit of Absurdity

We recently purchased my dad's pickup truck and camper from him.  The license plate cover on the camper reads,

American by birth 

Southern by the Grace of God

I love my Southern roots.  I have some wonderful memories of visiting our relatives in Mississippi when I was younger.  There were warm nights of sitting on the porch and eating watermelons directly out of the garden.  I drove a tractor (nearly killed me and my great-uncle, but I drove it).  My great-aunt gave me a coffee tin of flower seeds from her enormous wild flower garden.  I even got to see the small little shack my grandfather and his six siblings were all born and raised in before it was torn down a few years later.  

The other day I found the show BBQ Pitmasters on Netflix.  The Southern food, Southern accents, and Southern eccentricities has reminded me of my roots.  In fact, it's really hard not to listen to the accents and not let it slip into my own speech.  (The same thing happens when I watch movies with Southern characters.  Country Strong about did me in.)

So it may not be a surprise when today my mind wandered where it did.  It's laundry day.  You know what that means, clothes that rarely make a public appearance suddenly emerge into view.  

Today's embarrassing moment:

Let's all remember that I have two months left.

It was as I was wearing this shirt that I couldn't help but think of my redneck roots and combine that with my affinity for SNL.

Pardon the quality of this video.  Somehow, it's the only clip of this skit online, which is a real shame because it is pretty dang funny.  

And there you have it.  The absurdity of my day.

Top Ten List

If I were creative, I would make a parody of the song, Things That Make You Go Hmmm.  (Yes, I'm over 30 and I still love C+C Music Factory.)

My version would eliminate the beautiful skinny woman and replace her with a haggard, pregnant woman in pajamas.  It would be lovingly called, Things That Make You Go Ugh.


And here's why:

Top Ten Things That Make Pregnant Women in Their Third Trimester Go Ugh

10.  Heartburn

9.  Lower back pain

8.  Bathroom trips in the middle of the night

7.  Getting out of bed

6.  Getting off the couch

5.  Dropping things on the ground

4.  Outgrowing maternity clothes

3.  Braxton Hicks

2.  20 degree body heat difference

And the number 1 thing that makes pregnant women in their third trimester to go Ugh...

1.  The scale in the OB's office

Really, I've been trying not to complain.  After all, it took us over a year to conceive this baby.  But crossing into the third trimester is like a toddler on her second birthday.  One day everything is fine and the next day the Terrible Twos come out in full force.

Only 59 days till C-day.

Abby's Memory

Tonight as I was tucking Abby into bed, she made a comment that warmed my heart.

She said, "I can't wait to see Millie hold the new baby like we did when she was born."

It was the sweetest thing.

When I found out I was pregnant with Abby, Emma was only six months old and I was starting my second trimester with Ab.  I figured I'd be done having kids by the time I was 30.  But Heavenly Father had other plans for us.  Funny how that happens.

As much as I'd like to have a younger body that is pregnant right now, I am happy to have kids a bit older that can remember sweet moments like this.

And I'm glad they can remind me of these moments as well.

Angel of Music

We did it.

We went to Vegas.

And we even took the kids.

Oh, it was a wonderful 18-hour vacation.  It really was too bad that it didn't last longer.  But I'm so glad we got to dash out when we did.

We stopped at the Hoover Dam on the way.

Dam.

We took a dam tour, walked the dam sidewalks, took some dam pictures, and stopped at the dam shop to buy some dam souvenirs.  We had some dam fun.

Dam bridge

We got to our hotel (the Mirage) and checked in.  The kids LOVED our "fancy" room but we all hated having to walk through the casino to get to the elevators.  Major bummer there, but we survived.

We were a little early for Phantom so we took a trip to the Secret Gardens behind the Mirage where you can see a pool of dolphins and the animals once used by Siegfried and Roy.  The two magicians just happened to be there right then and they agreed to take some pictures with fans.  We took the opportunity to steal a few photos of them.  We noticed the animals sense their trainers as they neared the cages, despite the fact that Siegfried and Roy were completely surrounded by other people.  The animals would all get up and come to the area of the cage their trainers were standing by and seemed to be waiting for instruction.  It was quite a phenomenon.  After Siegfried and Roy moved away from the cage, the animals would all go back to sitting still just as they had before.

Watching the dolphins

On our way out we watched the dolphins swimming around.  We went below deck to see them underwater.  I've never seen dolphins before so I think I was just as amazed as the kids.

Finally it was time to go to dinner and our show.  We went across the street to the Venetian and had dinner at the restaurant connected to the Cheesecake Factory, which happened to be next door to the Phantom theater.  Dinner was good.  But who really remembers that when you have Phantom to look forward to?

We walked into the theater and were immediately awed.  The theater was custom built for the show and cost $40 million.  And you can tell.  It's been running at the Venetian for six years, but will finally close on September 2.  We HAD to go now so we didn't miss our opportunity to see it.  And it was absolutely worth it.

The view from our seats

Our seats were in the mezzanine (balcony area) and were definitely the "affordable" seats.  But our view was just as amazing as it could've been anywhere else in the theater.  We didn't realize it until later, but we had the best view of the chandelier, which in this production is as much a live character as any of the people singing and dancing on stage.

As the lights finally dimmed, I watched Matt out of the corner of my eye.  He sat between Josh and me because he was worried the play would be as scary as the movie.  But his eyes grew WIDE as he saw the actors come alive onstage and as the chandelier began its surge to life (I can't explain this to you without taking away some of the magic of it, so you'll just have to go with it and see the production yourself) Matt grabbed the sides of his chair as he nearly jumped out of it, mouth agape, and eyes about to pop.  I couldn't help but be moved by his reaction.  He was loving the magic of theatre, something I love so very much.  My eyes filled with tears and probably didn't stop filling until half an hour after the show ended.  The girls sat on the other side of Josh and he said their reactions were just about the same.

The show itself was incredible.  There wasn't a weak link in the performance.  The acting and singing was amazing.  The casting had been spot on.  There was more scenery in this production than I remember seeing in San Francisco in 1995.  But the curtain-sweeping scene changes still flowed beautifully from one scene to the next.  The special effects wowed the audience.  And that darn Phantom just showed up all over the place.  He's at the bottom of the stairs, then suddenly back at the top.  He's above the rooftop.  He's hanging from the chandelier!

The music was absolutely brilliant.

There is really only one word that can describe the show and the reactions of my children to it: Magical.

Afterward we asked the kids about their favorite parts.

Emma: She couldn't pin down one favorite moment.  In fact she told me, "I can't even name my favorite 1000 parts!"

Abby: "The whole thing!"

Matt:

• When Phantom hung from the chandelier
• When Phantom went from the bottom of the stairs and in a poof of smoke appeared at the top of the stairs
• When Phantom appeared in the mirror and took Christine to the dungeon
• When Phantom disappeared at the end
• (Can you guess Matt's favorite character?)

All in all, it was a quick trip, it cost us a bit of our state tax refund, and we were a bit late getting home (I was about 20 minutes late for the Cub Scout meeting being held at our house).  But it was definitely time and money well spent.  

A memory we will always remember.