Lately I've been thinking about "Do Overs". If I had the chance to do something over again, would I?
What exactly I'm thinking about is "Would I do my college acting career over again if I had the chance?"
My first show, September 2003, that's me in the background.
My answer to that is, "I don't know."
A lot of incredible things happened when I went onstage in college. Onstage I found a person I never knew existed. A strong woman who worked hard and did well. I loved basking in the energy of a room full of people awaiting to see what art I could accomplish. I enjoyed the challenge of playing a person so completely different than me. I lived on the adrenaline rush of making an audience laugh or cry. I got to do things that others only dream of doing.
My brother JC and me (again in the background) in DMW. May 2006.
But there were some things that weren't nearly so positive. If you noticed, all the good things focus on me and my feelings. This was my major, my experience, my necessity. Josh actually got to share quite a bit of this experience with me, so I had him with me for a lot of it, but I expected a lot of support from him, more than I gave him I'm afraid to admit.
I also was required to read, watch, and act plays and movies that were not uplifting. My spirituality took a hard hit during my years at school. Besides my incredible husband, I think the only other thing that really saved my activity in the church was my calling as the Gospel Doctrine teacher. It was a tough calling to keep up with, especially with my hectic schedule, but the Lord knew I needed it. I needed it more than my class needed me.
DMW again. I only seem to have pictures from the dramas, not comedies. I look constipated.
I also had rehearsals from 7pm to 10pm Monday through Friday for six to twelve weeks a semester. That's a lot of missed bedtimes. A lot.
This is from one of the shows we took from drama to comedy two days before we opened. But this is just me backstage getting ready. I had to eat liverwurst onstage. The sign of a dedicated actor is when you don't gag on gross food your character loves. Blech! Feb 2005.
Writing it out, it seems obvious. If I had my college acting career to do over again, would I? No, I wouldn't. But that's because I already know that I was pretty good at what I did and I no longer need to prove anything to myself.
What's really important.
Now, I have an incredible husband, four strong and beautiful kids, a wonderful home, extended family I get to see often, and a strong testimony of the Gospel. Right now, this is what I need. It's even what I want (most days). And maybe I'll get to do theatre again someday. Maybe I'll even get to do it on my terms.
Wouldn't that be nice?
4 comments:
If I had to eat liverwurst, I would have that look of disgust on my face too!! :) I think you did great. You not only gave yourself the opportunity to act onstage, you gave me the opportunity to enjoy watching plays. I loved being able to come down and watch you perform. It's something that I know I would never have been able to do if it weren't for you.
Shelly--
Wow this post is light hearting to me. I will have to write you more about my thoughts when I have more time.
Thank you for this post.
Shelly, the few plays I did get to see you act in were fantastic. Maybe some day you could teach drama class (not saying you are dramatic or anything!) and pass that passion on to others.
You had so many responsibilities and still did a fantastic job at accomplishing them! I am in awe of you. I think it's funny that in each of the theater pics you are in the background looking mad. :)
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