Seeking the Good?

It's been hard to think of a bunch of happy and positive things to write about lately.  Mostly because of Poignant Fact Number One:

Being the mom is hard.

The last month or so has reminded me of the Mommy-guilt I get every so often.  Do I enjoy being a mother?  The immediate answer is always, Yes, of course I do.

But the real question is actually, Do I enjoy being a stay-at-home mother?

This answer doesn't resound in my mind as quickly.  Staying home with four kids all day is hard work.  It's not easy to give 100% of myself to other people all morning, afternoon, AND evening.  Someday I do hope to use the bathroom without a knock on the door and a small voice calling, "Mom?"  Because I'm home I'm able to home school our feisty 9-year-old who tells me daily that school is stupid and she hates it.  My 3-year-old wants to wear her pretty Dora underpants, but 2 minutes after an uneventful trip to the potty she has an accident in them (not an exaggeration).  If you could hear what the kids say after I ask them to do their chores you'd think I had actually asked them give all their toys away.

It's just not easy.

It doesn't help when I read or hear stories of other mothers and their seemingly perfect relationships with their children.  To them it seems to be a privilege to stay home and snuggle and hug their little precious ones.

Thing is, it is a privilege.  So why don't I recognize it?

Some of my friends had the chance to go to Time Out For Women in Layton, UT, this weekend.  The theme was "Seeking the Good."  I thought about this today and I remembered a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley.  He quoted Jenkins Lloyd James when he said,

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

I obviously need to be more grateful to have the chance to be with my children everyday.  They really are good kids, even if they do hate vacuuming or doing math.  My husband willingly and lovingly works 72 hours a week to keep our bills paid and allowing me to have the chance to be with our kids and watch them grow. I get to play hide-and-seek with a 3-year-old who hides her face, counts to three, then celebrates when she finds me as I'm still sitting in the same spot I was when she began counting.

And let's not forget the soccer-playing baby in my belly who had a 25% chance of going the same way as the last two pregnancies.  But she didn't.  She's still here and she happily makes herself known.

I have a lot to be thankful for.  I just have to deal with all the blah of reality and look beyond it to my blessings.

At the beginning of my theatre degree program the professors often said, "If you can imagine yourself doing anything else in the world other than theatre, do it."  Theatre is life-consuming and rarely immediately rewarding.  The hours are ridiculously long and the pay is pathetic, if it even exists.

Same with motherhood and staying home with my children.

But I can't imagine doing anything else in the world.

So maybe I don't always enjoy being a stay-at-home mom.  But that doesn't mean I'm not thankful for the ride.