And That, My Friend, Is What They Call "Closure"

Ever heard of "closure"? 

And THAT, my friend, is what they call CLOSURE from Leo Carbonell on Vimeo.

Closure is a popular psychology term. It refers to a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person's life.  --Wikipedia

Pardon my use of this century's pseudo-Britannica, but it works.

Yesterday was our opportunity to find closure with our miscarriage.  Maybe you're sick of me talking about it, but let me talk about it some more so you can see my point of view. 

A friend of mine told me over facebook: "I still get tears in my eyes when I remember my miscarriages. They hurt, and those who havent' had one can sometimes be insensitive, by wondering what the big deal is. But those of us who have been through it understand. We send our love and prayers. It is proper to morn, in fact it is probably very healthy to do so. I won't lie to you. You'll always remember, but with time, the pain of that remembrance will ease. God bless you."

I know it's true.  I'll always remember this.  It's with me forever. 

But it's also true that time is starting to help us heal.  I began my emotional healing just over a week ago when I crossed the finish line of the first 5k I did.  It triggered something in my mind that ultimately lead to a buffering in my heart.  It's hard to explain it, but it had nothing to do with crossing the finish line before that girl that kept trying to run way ahead of us, got tired and then fell behind then ran way ahead again and again.  She was just annoying.  No.  This was something bigger.  Something to remind me of my strength and ability to carry on.

The physical part was confirmed during our doctor's appointment yesterday.  The baby is for sure gone.  And so is nearly all of the physical preparation for him/her.  My doctor has been incredibly kind and helpful during this time.  She took the time to talk to us and let us know when we can try to have another baby.  (Btw, she said docs used to say three to six months, mostly so they'd have a previous period to use as a due date calculator, but there's no physical reason to wait.  She did suggest to wait until after my next period just so everything is cleared out and it's easier for a new egg to implant.) 

So I should have closure now.  And to an extent, I do.  I'm at the "conclusion" of a "traumatic event."  My emotions and body are able to move on.  However, my memory will always hold this "traumatic event" close.  It won't hold me back, but it will never be lost.