The Talk

Every Christmas (for the past two years, at least) I've tried to make a homemade gift for each kid.  Last year I made them each a photo book.  It was mostly pictures from birth to the present.  Each book had a page or two devoted to a snapshot from each birthday, Christmas and Halloween of their lives.  They each had pictures from the day they were born.  And our trip to Disneyland two years ago.  The big girls each had a page for their baptisms.  Millie's was mostly a bunch of random snapshots since her milestones are so much fewer.  And Matt had a few pages devoted to his medical history.

One page showed pictures of Matthew in the NICU.  One page showed the ultrasound pictures the doctor gave us after two of Matt's balloon-cath procedures.  And there was a page of pictures for both of Matt's surgeries.

Tonight Matt was looking at his book as I came to tuck him in.  He was looking at the page of him in the NICU and said, "This page makes me sad because I was dying."

Hello, throat.  Meet my stomach.

I explained to him that at that point, he was okay.  He was being taken care of by great nurses and they were making sure he was going to be fine.

Then we began talking about his heart and he began to cry because he was afraid he'd need another surgery when he turns 12.

Gulp.

I held his hand as I explained to him that around his birthday in June we'll be getting a better picture taken of his heart so we can know better when he'll need his next surgery.  It could be a couple more years, but it might be as soon as when he's seven. 

With a tear in my little boy's eye, he asked me, "What will they have to do?"

That's when the ton of bricks hit me.

We've never explained to Matt exactly what is wrong with him.  I've used this very blog to tell the whole world about Matt's pulmonary atresia.  But it never occurred to me to tell Matt about it.  Obviously he knows his heart had problems and that he's had surgery, but that's really all he's known.

So tonight I explained to him what was wrong.  And how it had been fixed.  And why it will need to be fixed again.  I also remembered that we have a couple of videos of the balloon-caths.  He wants to see them. 

And then I told my little son what to expect when he has surgery.  When Daddy and I will be with him, what the doctors and nurses will wear, when we'll get to see him after he wakes up. 

As scary as it may seem, the conversation actually seemed to help Matt feel better.  Now he knows what he's up against and what to expect. 

Schoolhouse Rock was right.  "Knowledge is power"!

Project Report: Fail!

This week was supposed to be all about how much I love my children and how happy they make me.  Notice how I didn't get past Day 1?

Why is it that the times I try even harder to be a good mother that every frustration I have with my children is magnified and multiplied?

No matter how hard I try, by the end of the day I can vividly recount all of the times I lost my temper.  And I don't lose my temper very prettily.

Sometimes being a mom is really, really hard.  Me no-likey.

Spotlight: Millie

I thought I'd highlight my kids this week.  I really missed them while they were gone and after a week of them being home, that loving nostalgia has already begun to wear off.  *Sigh*  Yet another tally on my Mommy Guilt Chart.  So, I'm going to be proactive and look for some of my favorite things about them.  Here's a little bit about my Millie Vanilli.

We watched August Rush on Saturday and I tried to sneak some video of Millie.  This is pretty typical of what she does during the day.  It doesn't really matter what's on TV.  Millie likes to twirl in circles and sing loudly.  She also likes to sing loudly in the car.  Funny, most of her singing occurs when there's lots of other noises happening.... like talking, TV, arguing, or the shuffle of Sacrament cups at church. 

Yep.  She's pantless.  That's a somewhat typical thing.  I'm not sure if she's hot (it is getting a bit warmer) or if she likes the freedom.  Either reason is very possible.

Millie also loves Blue's Clues.  If you've ever seen the show, you've seen the host (either Steve or Joe) indicate playing Blue's Clues by putting his hands up and opening and closing his fists.  Anytime anyone goes for the PS3 remote (the device we get our Netflix off of) she runs up to them, pumping open her hands and saying, "Boos Coos!  Boos Coos!" 

Millie played some "Fort" on Friday. 

My favorite thing about Millie is her personality.  Her sense of humor is coming through like fire.  She loves to snuggle, hug, and kiss.  She blesses strangers in the grocery store when they sneeze ("Bess oo!").  And she's more persistent than anything else.  She's also begun sleeping in her Big Girl Bed and she loves it. 

My Millie Marie rocks.

St Patrick's Mini-Party

The kids were off at their grandparents' house over St Patty's Day.

But Josh and I were so busy with the tub that we didn't even remember it was St Pat's and forgot to wear green.

So we had a mini-celebration tonight after the kids got home.  Josh's mom had sent some Irish gear for the kids to wear.

 

And what Irish celebration is complete without a jig?



or two....



or three....

or four?



Happy belated St Patrick's Day!

Just Plumb Stupid

The last few weeks have given me the chance to learn a little about plumbing.  A few weeks ago, thanks to Google, I learned how to fix my toilet so everything goes down with the first flush.  You can't have that problem in a bathroom overrun by kids.  It's gross and disgusting and thinking about it makes me gag.

And now we're having the bathtub adventure.  Our "vacation." 

I'm learning a lot.  Mostly because there's nothing to distract us.  The kids are gone and all we have done is the bathtub.  Maybe we can sneak away to see a movie tomorrow night.  Maybe.

Anyway, here are some things I've learned:

• Glued pipes do not move, even if you really, really want them to.
• Turning the water off and working in sweaty conditions is a bad combo.
• I know what a P trap is.  And it has nothing to do with urine.
• Vanities are heavier than bathtubs.
• I thought that, in conjunction with copper pipes, the word was "sauter" but it's "solder".  Who knew?
• Home Depot owns half of my soul.

And the greatest lesson I've learned:

• Never, ever, ever, ever, ever replace your bathtub DIY-style.  Ever.  It's stupid.  It sucks.  It takes a lot of time and money.  It will make you insane.  INSANE, I TELL YOU!!

Insane.

On Vacation

Josh and I have officially been on vacation for nearly 48 hours now.  The kids are safe and sound with my folks.  They even tried to go swimming today (but it was only in the 80s, so not quite hot enough to enjoy).

Josh and I are in the middle of our bathroom project.  This means that Josh is pulling things apart and putting them back together while I sit on the floor of the bathroom and play online and keep him company.  Sometimes I get to hold the flashlight, or maybe the copper pipes while he solders them. 

The goal is: get this done before we run out of time.  And, please, let us get to do something other than this blasted project.

I did begin a new project of my own.  Josh and I are watching the American Film Institute's (AFI) Top 100 movies of all time. We started last night with number 100, Ben-Hur.  I've got a new blog to help me keep track.  http://afi100project.blogspot.com/  Check it out and play with me.  Or just check it out. 

And now back to my vacation.  And maybe we'll even turn the water back on soon.  Hooray for flushing toilets!

Absurd Adventure

During my Theatre and English education endeavors, I spent several semesters covering the genre and ideal of "absurdity."  My favorite real life experience happened when Abby was about a year old.  (I think I've told this story before, but please indulge me.)  She was laying on the floor in front of me and I was changing her diaper.  Emma was marching in a circle around me chanting, "Marching, marching, marching, marching...."  Josh had previously turned up the TV since Emma was noisily marching and Abby was fussing about needing a bum change.  But then he decided to tell me something so he began yelling above the noise.

So, here I am, sitting in the middle of the floor, having this out of body experience.  Abby's squirming and crying.  Emma's marching and chanting.  Josh is nearly yelling a story at me.  The TV is blaring. 

It was absurdity at its finest.

Such is life.  At least, my life.  I am surrounded by absurdity.

Our vacation began today.  Our itinerary for these first few days has included: babysitting, end of the quarter conferences, buying out the local pharmacy to get rid of this stupid cold, and preparing to enroll our son in first grade again. 

Absurdity.

However, I am very happy to report that the tub we expected to arrive next week came today.  It's so good to know that we can begin work on the bathroom right away.  But Josh made the good point of, "Now we have to work on it."  Yep.  Can't procrastinate and use the absence of the tub as an excuse. 

And so we begin this absurd adventure.  Tomorrow is cleaning/packing day for the kids.  Josh and I will begin some of our other work as well.  And we'll send the kids to my parents on Saturday.  (I think I might actually miss them, which really, really surprises me.)

Adventure!

Even if it is absurd.

"For Thy Good"

If thou art called to pass through tribulation....
And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.  (D&C 122: 5, 7)

The above scripture goes on to say that our Savior has risen above all of these horrible things.  Which is absolutely true and something to always remember.  But I get stuck at the end of this passage.

"...Know thou ... that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

The other day I got a call from my SIL as she was worried about her little boy.  The next day or so I got a call from a neighbor who needed help with her injured daughter.

As usual, this got me thinking.

Lots of crappy things have happened in our house lately.  Nothing earth shattering, but crappy.  As the days have gone by, the only thought that has carried me through was the upcoming vacation.  We made plans to go to San Diego.  It's near enough that we can get there within a few hours but far enough that we would be on vacation.  Then we thought we'd do more of a stay-cation so we could save some money and get a few things like a play set for the kids in the backyard. 

Then Josh cleaned the bathtub.

Yep, I'm gross and lazy.  I hate cleaning the bathtub and only do it if I have to.  So Josh did it.  And he found what had once been a small hairline crack in the tub has become a split that may be leaking into the subflooring beneath the tub. 

Now we have our vacation funds invested in the tub that is on its way from Home Depot.  Our children are still being watched by my parents (thank goodness) and Josh and I hope to still find some time to see a movie and go out to dinner a few times.  But that's the extent of it.  The linoleum on the floor is peeling and needs to be replaced, so we might as well do it at the same time.  This is going to be a long and semi-expensive fix. 

This sucks.  I'm not happy about it.  And once, just once, I thought to myself, Why did this have to happen?

"...[To] give thee experience..."

I don't know why those wonderful women called me, but I'm glad they did.  And I'm glad I could help them.  The reason why I could (okay, Josh helped the neighbor's daughter, but I recruited him) was because I have some experience in this life.  If someone is experiencing something crappy, I probably have a touch of empathy to share. 

I think that's why we live through tough times.  It teaches us so we can more readily love others.  We can be on call for when one of our family members or friends needs us. 

I am quickly becoming an expert on:
Kids that don't know how to control their tempers
The function of the heart
Non-existent adult teeth
Moles and poor family health histories
Repeating 1st grade
Kidney transplants
New houses that were mass produced and cheaply applianced
The daily grind of life weighing you down
The judgment of others while I try to do my job at church

And those are just the issues so far in 2011.

Really, I'm not complaining.  Honestly.  This was an Ah-ha moment for me.  I'm still gaining experience.  And that experience may suck while I'm dealing with it, but maybe someday I'll be able to do some good because of it.  Maybe this crappiness won't be in vain.  I hope.  I really, truly do.