I've recently discovered that I'm pretty typical.
I'm not the only woman in this world that takes on too much. That tries to do things perfectly and seemingly effortlessly. That has a million balls up in the air that are all about to fall at any second.
But I can't juggle. Mine is a teeter-totter and I'm up in the air with all my stresses sitting at the bottom of the totter. Sometimes one little shift of events/stresses knocks me off my teeter-totter. That really did happen to me once when I was about ten. My leg got pinned under the teeter-totter as it crashed to the ground and it hurt ... a lot. So the prospect of falling off my teeter-totter really kind of freaks me out.
But it happens. My house is often a mess. My dishes are rarely done by a decent time of day. I have toilets that needs scrubbing. I have tons of friends that seem to have so much in place where I lack. (All that sentence does is prove that I have a major issue with comparing myself to others.) I can't say no, even when I really, really should.
I think I'm entitled to a few bad days here and there.
Sometimes it's really easy to blame the hormones. They are a-ragin', after all. And I'm sure that has plenty to do with some of my more irrational rants ("WHO LEFT THAT PILLOW ON THE FLOOR???"). But I have to acknowledge that there are other forces at work in my life as well.
I know a lot of women have plenty of stress. I realize that and even acknowledge it.
Of course, I also have the maturity of a preschooler sometimes and can't help but think my issues are bigger than other people's. And that doesn't do anything to help me.
There's really no point to this post but to put it out there that I'm at a stage where my teeter-totter is teetering and tottering.
I don't know that there's an end in sight for this stage I'm in. I'm sure there is one, but I can't see it yet. Until it appears, I just have to hold on. And on the bad days when my teeter-totter slams me to the ground, I just need to keep my legs out from under me.
3 comments:
I love reading your posts because I can see me in them. If I was good at keeping a journal, I would think you were reading and posting it like it is yours. Seriously! ;) I was very overwhelmed during my 5th pregnancy and after it for a while. I am not saying I hadn't been before that, but it was extra. It has to be the hormones, fatigue and the pedestal you believe everyone else is on. Once while I was away for the weekend, someone needed a floor steamer that they had loaned me a week before and they needed it NOW. I told my best friend where my key was and let her into my house and into my messy bedroom no one EVER sees. It was liberating to let her know I wasn't as amazing as she thought I was and it is nice to know when my friends aren't either. Then I can feel less crappy about myself. Just hang in there honey and for heavens sake get your feet out of the way, but then you might fall off backwards. No winning there. ;) So get below the teeter totter and swing on it when it is up and jump when it goes down. Jump out of those extra things you are beating yourself up about. Luv ya!
Sister,
Try to remember the words of the blessing Heavenly Father gave you through your husband. Take it easy on yourself, reach out to others for help (what can I do?) and pray always.
Amen, amen and AMEN!
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