The Heart of the Matt-er

Tomorrow Matt goes to the pediatric cardiologist for his semi-annual check up.

Here's hoping I can sleep tonight.

We're not expecting anything out of the ordinary at Matt's appointment.  Simply put, Matt has pulmonary atresia that has required his pulmonary valve to be replaced and additional replacements will occur every 5 to 15 years throughout his life.  At the last check up we found that Matt's valve leaks a bit, but unless it begins to block the flow of blood, we probably still have a couple years left with his current valve.

I think what I dread the most is the reality of the matter.  Every time we visit the cardiologist we are another six months closer to Matt's next surgery.  This isn't the most optimistic way to look at these appointments.

I SHOULD think, "Oh, another check up, another six months we probably don't have to worry."

I SHOULD think, "We just spent another six months without having to take him in for surgery, phew."

I SHOULD think, "Yay, Matt gets a new sticker."

But I don't.  I've learned to hope for the best, but prepare myself for the worst.  I'm generally a positive person, but we've hit snags before.  Mostly, it was the day we discovered Matt needed the surgery that led to all of this repeat-surgery stuff.  We had expected a clean bill of health and annual check ups for a couple of years leading to check ups every two years or so.  But instead we were hit with the news that our son needed a different surgery that would require replacements throughout his life. 

Because of this experience, I'm careful.  I don't expect miracles, but I also pray that we'll have more time.  It was an eye-opener last June when we heard the doctor tell us that we had about two years left with this valve.  My mom had to remind me that he'd already had it for three, so he was on the expected course.  Still, it's not easy.

So tomorrow we plan to take our son in for an appointment, see where he is compared to six months ago, and possibly get a new idea of how long before our next date with the surgeon.  Here's hoping for a productive check up.