Commercials

Don't ask me why, but I have this fascination with people getting kicked in the shins. I think it's so funny. I have no idea where this issue stems from, but my favorite threat is kicking someone in the shin. Just thinking about that makes me giggle.

So, you can imagine how much I died from laughing when I saw this commercial:

Oh, man. That's hilarious.

Movie Trivia

Tonight I'm going to post a game. I've been thinking about this for a while, but in the last two days I've found out about some sad things have happened to people I love. BTW, if you have any extra prayers, please pray on behalf of the brokenhearted. Heavenly Father will know who you mean. So, here's a bit of a pick-me-up.

I've been watching several movies lately (and by watching I mean turning on and playing in the background while I go do a bunch of stuff). So, instead of just telling you about them, I'm going to let you guess which movies they are. I'll give you the quote and you guess the movie. This may end up being really simple because I'm going to use some of my favorite quotes. I'd tell you not to cheat by using Google or imdb.com, but I cheat at this stuff all the time. I hate knowing an answer but not remembering it (does that make any sense?).

Movie Quotes:

1. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

2. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

3. Why do this? //Why not do it? Cause yesterday I walked out of the joint after losing four years of my life and you're cold-decking "Teen Beat" cover boys. Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet and you bet big, then you take the house. //Been practicing this speech, haven't you? //Little bit. Did I rush it? Felt I rushed it. //No, it was good, I liked it. The "Teen Beat" thing was harsh.

4. You know, if we're lost, you can tell me. //We're lost. //I can take bad news. Just tell me straight. //I don't know where the hell we are. // No sense takin' time to make it sound better than it is. // I reckon we're goin' in circles. // Wire things up and I'll see right through. So, just tell me honestly. Are we lost? // Nope. I know exactly where we are. //That's good, 'cause, frankly, I was gettin' a little worried.

5. You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there? //Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training they just told us to play Doom!

6. In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.

7. He comes on with his big, innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.

8. Your destiny can be your doom. Look at me and my Rick.

9. As my last surviving descendant, you have a sacred duty to pass on my genetic material. //That's a lovely sentiment.

10. People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This is not how I go.//Really? //Truly. I saw it in the eye. //The old lady by the swamp? //She was a *witch*. //No, she was old and probably senile. //I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens. //So how does it happen? //Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you.

11. 1879, Lesco, France, dates back to 10 000 BC, singled out because of the flowing lines depicting the movement of the animal. //Impressive. Name? //"Herd of Horses." //I meant yours. //We call her Flicka.

12. Mayo-nayo-naise. Swimming by the sandy shore, dancing up among the waves, dolphin, dolphin I adore everything you are. You're so much more than a fish to me, my playful friend beneath the sea. [making dolphin noise] ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee.

13. I hated her, so much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breath...

14. Oi sir, what are you doing? //Uh... trudging. You know, trudging? [pause] To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on. //Uhhh... were you robbed? //[laughs] Funny really, yes, but at the same time a huge resounding no. It's more of an... involuntary vow of poverty... really.

Think you know any of these? Just comment with your guesses. I'll post the answers in a few days.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of my mother-friends! I hope we all get to have a nice, relaxing, stressfree day! Who am I kidding? I hope we make it through the day and don't have to yell at anyone.

I decided to post a forward I received on Facebook. It's so great that even if you've read it before, it's worth reading again.

Ask your kid(s) these questions. If you have more than one ask them separately!

1. What is something I always say to you?
Emma--Don't
Abby-No
Matt--Us going to Walmart
2. What makes me happy?
Emma--Daddy
Abby--My smile
Matt--Loving you and making you so happy from loving you
3. What makes me sad?
Emma--When we do something bad
Abby--Saying "I dont like this family"
Matt--Don't loving you
4. How do I make you laugh?
Emma--You do funny things or you say weird things in a weird voice
Abby--Tickling me
Matt--Telling jokes
5. What was I like as a child?
Emma--Funny, cute?
Abby--Funny?
Matt-- I don't know
6. How old am I?
Emma--31
Abby--31
Matt--14 or 16
7. How tall am I?
Emma--I don't know
Abby--83 inches
Matt--100 and a pound
8. What is my favorite thing to do?
Emma--Spend time with Daddy
Abby--Go to the park
Matt--Making us kids be good and not bad
9. What do I do when you're not around?
Emma--Clean up
Abby--Play with Matt
Matt--Laundry, read and you will come to my preschool to pick me up
10. If I become famous, what will it be for?
Emma--Pretty much singing because you have a beautiful voice
Abby--For me.
Matt--Cause you will have your kids all cleaning up and you will have a clean house
11. What am I really good at?
Emma--Singing
Abby--Smiling?
Matt--Teaching us kids
12. What am I not very good at?
Emma--Nothing, you're good at everything, pretty much. Oh, wait, seeing well without your glasses or contacts.
Abby--Doing this (crossing her eyes)
Matt--Teaching your friends stuff
13. What do I do for a job?
Emma--Nothing. Oh, take care of us, take care of the house.
Abby--Clean the house
Matt--Checking on your kids
14.What is my favorite food?
Emma--I know it's not fish
Abby--Chicken
Matt--Chicken
15.What makes you proud of me?
Emma--That you're very funny and make me laugh, like, all the time
Abby--For getting dogs for us
Matt--Telling me stuff like going to Disneyland
16. If I were a cartoon character, who would I be?
Emma--Belle
Abby--My Friends Tigger and Pooh
Matt--Pooh Bear
17. What do you and I do together?
Emma--Read, sing, pretty much do everything
Abby--Girl time
Matt--Watch TV
18. How are you and I the same?
Emma--We both look really nice
Abby--Our hair, our eyes and freckles
Matt--We both have eyes and one nose and one mouth and two hands and four fingers and two legs and one tummy and one chest
19. How are you and I different?
Emma--You're a grown up and I'm a kid
Abby--Your birthmark and I don't have a birthmark there.
Matt--I don't have big toes but you have big toes
20. How do you know I love you?
Emma--You take really good care of me
Abby--Because I'm part of your family
Matt--Cuz you just told me
21. What do I like most about your dad?
Emma--He's handsome
Abby--Kissing
Matt--Kissing him
22. Where is my favorite place to go?
Emma--To Gramma and Grampa's?
Abby--I'm thinking about Burger King and McDonalds
Matt--Disneyland

So there you go. Information about me I bet you didn't even know. I had no idea I was 100 and a pound tall.

Happy Momma's Day, all!!

'Fess Up Friday

I know everyone has been freaked out by 'Fess Up Friday not appearing yesterday. Calm down, it's okay. I chose to take the day off and spend it with my hubby. In case you're new, yesterday was our anniversary and we spent the whole day together. I even took the day off from working out. That's how much I love Josh.

Anyway, this week has been soooo frustrating. I started P90X on Monday. I got nothing done all week because the work outs are so time consuming and I had lots of other commitments outside of home. (Today my house is getting cleaned if it KILLS me--and the rest of my family.) It's taking a lot of time and I don't seem to keep my heart rate up as well because I have to stop and watch what they're doing because otherwise I don't know what the moves are because many of them are different than Power 90. I'm not too happy so far--Kayleen, you are a rock star for being able to do this program! I'll give it another week or so before I choose a new approach for my weightloss. Plus (and I complained about this on Facebook already) the day you do the yoga, you do it for an hour and a half! I don't have an hour and a half of quiet time to keep doing Downward Dog over and over and over again! It's not fitting into my life very well so far. Oh, and Tony Horton had some prettying-up done to himself between Power 90 and P90X. I can't quite put my finger on it, but maybe his eyebrows have been waxed and some Botox. Not quite sure.

I also began running this week. I thought I remembered that the water tower near our house was just over half a mile away, so I ran there and back. I was satisfied with running a mile in 16 minutes, considering I hadn't run since high school. Then later when I drove the route I discovered that the tower is actually .8 miles away, so I actually ran just over a mile and a half in 16 minutes. I was ecstatic about that. I'm definitely excited about running. I enjoy running, it makes me feel good, and the kids can't come with me. Ahhh, the perfect exercise.

How'd you do this week?

Anniversary Countdown: The Conclusion

Jumping the Gun?

You may not know this about me, but when I know what I want (which isn't often, so it's a big deal when that happens) I go for it. And there's really no way to stop me. That may make it sound like I've been spoiled in my life, but really, I've just had to work my butt off and then can't be denied my request. For instance, I wanted Josh. And I had to do everything in my power to make him realize that he was going to marry me. First, I made him hold my hand. Then, I made him kiss me. Then, I made him hang out with me until he was convinced he should marry me. Now I sound manipulative. But that's not true either. And if you don't believe that, I won't be your friend anymore.

The first time Josh mentioned going to pick out a ring, I was down for it. I pretty much led him to the jewelry store as soon as he parked the car at the mall. We found the perfect setting--classical, but dramatic. And Josh is so amazing. He actually learned about diamonds from a diamond broker in South Africa. He said he wanted to make sure he knew how to buy a diamond for his wife because he wanted to give her the best of everything. I was amazed at how well he knew his stuff (I let him do that part).

I'm also a bit of a practical person. Despite all my drama, I do actually present practical reasoning. Even though he hadn't asked me yet, I knew we were going to be getting married. So, I began shopping. We had already talked about using all of our siblings as our wedding party. I recruited our mothers (to keep everyone happily involved) and we spent several Saturdays out together. I had told Josh that I wasn't going to be engaged for more than two months and he happily went along with me. But that meant that we had a lot to do to prepare and we needed to get moving.

Josh tried really hard to keep the proposal itself a secret from me. I wasn't making it very easy on him. He told me he didn't want to ask me to marry him until he had been legally adopted by his dad. He'd gone by Johnson for most of his life, but he wanted to be adopted and make it all official. When that happened, he had to think of a new way to stall until he was ready to propose. Supposedly, my ring was taking a lot longer to resize than we expected. He told me it should be ready the week after his adoption. So, I continued to shop. Josh had come with me and our moms to look for items we needed when we came across a bridal shop. He sat outside for a few hours while I found my wedding gown. (Now I always take him shopping with me because he has better taste than I do, so it's kind of funny that he couldn't be with me during this big decision.) Anyway, it was a Saturday night and we closed down the store, but I had a wedding gown, although I didn't have a fiance at that point.

The following morning after all the church meetings, I went to find Josh and walked into the gym to find both of our families there and Josh waiting for me. He was decked out in armor and held a wrapped gift in his hands. He stood in front of me and handed me the gift which I opened. It was a Precious Moment called "Onward Christian Soldier". It was a soldier with a shield and over the tip of the shield hung my ring. He took the ring and then went to my dad to ask his permission to then come get on one knee and ask me to marry him. I happily agreed. He was my knight. Plus, I'd just spent several hundreds of dollars on a dress and I was excited I'd actually get to wear it. Okay, mostly I was happy to marry my best friend.

We rushed and planned the rest of our wedding. We had so many things against us: Mother's Day was May 9 so florists were scared of us, we had a little less than two months to get everything ready so every other aspect of wedding planning was scared of us, and some parents had more difficulties with the whole process than others. In fact, our bishop told us there was no shame in eloping. I think his exact words were, "There's a temple in Las Vegas." (We got married in the Denver LDS temple.) Sometimes I do wish we would've just taken the money and run, but you live and learn, right? We even bought our first house together just days before the wedding. Josh moved in first and I moved in after the wedding. Like I said, it may have been a bit rushed and a bit rough at times, but we knew what we wanted and we set out and got it.

I love Josh. He's truly the greatest man I've ever known. He works hard for our family and wants so many good things for us. He's strong mentally, physically, and spiritually. He's a freaking genius. And he's hot. I've loved these last ten years and I'm looking forward to the eternity we have to spend together. Happy Anniversary, Baby!

Anniversary Countdown Part Quatro

Our Date

Okay, tonight's update was going to be full of details because I kept everything from the Valentine's set up Josh did for me. Unfortunately, I "cleaned" the basement a couple months ago and now I can't find all my keepsakes. That's why my clutter is organized chaos. I can find anything in the clutter. Can't find a dang thing in the organization. Grr!!!

Luckily, my BFF Cindy saved all the emails I sent to her during this time period and I can use them as references. (You're awesome, Cindy!)

Throughout January and into February, Josh and I spent a lot of time together. I lived in Woodland Park, a town on the backside of Pikes Peak, and Josh lived in Divide, another 16 miles up the mountain. He worked at a hardware store in Woodland Park and we'd often meet together for lunch since I worked in Woodland too. He'd come over and spend hours with me at my house before heading home, braving the snow and late hours. It wasn't long until our feelings of marriage turned to talk of marriage. Valentine's Day was quickly approaching, but Josh told me outright that he wasn't going to propose to me then. We knew we wanted to get married, we knew we were going to get married, but we needed a little more time to solidify our friendship. But, I secretly hoped he's ask me anyway.

A few days before Valentines there was a letter in the mailbox with a penciled picture in the likeness of Ed McMann from "The Ted McMinn Valentine's Sweepstake" and the words "You could already be a Winner!" on the envelope. Inside the letter read:

"Dear Miss Shelly Williams,

We at the Ted McMinn Valentine Sweepstakes take much pleasure in informing you that you have already been selected as one of our finalists. It has come to our attention that there are two young men seeking the opportunity to take you out as their special Valentine Date. Both of these young men have agreed to take part in an anonymous Ted McMinn Valentine Competition. In this competition they will do little things to show you their personality, feelings towards you, and to try to win over your affection. To keep it fair, they will be going by code names to let you decide between the two based solely on your reactions to their affectionate deeds -- which must reflect their personalities. They will not be allowed to give you any CURRENT pictures of themselves so that you will have to make your decision based on the heart. After all isn't that the way it is meant to be?

Miss Shelly Williams, by simply accepting their gestures of love, and then making a decision of whom you would like to go on a date with you can win a Special Ted McMinn Valentine Dream Date!!!! It is that simple!!! The competition will commence on February 10, 1999, and conclude on February 14, 1999, at which time you can win and claim your prize simply by making your decision between 'Mr X' and 'Mr ?'. Congratulations and Good luck!

Sincerely,

Ted McMinn"

The first day Mr ? stole my car while I was at work and washed, vacuumed, dusted, and filled it with gas. Mr X gave me a pear with a face on it in a bowl of yellow water and a bag of oatmeal and a note that said, "On the first day of Valentines my true love gave to me Porridge in some Pear Pee."

I can't find the rest of the cards. I remember I got some Hot Wheel cars from Mr X and Mr ? filled my car with balloons. This went on until a strange tall man with dark hair and silly glasses showed up to hand-deliver the final gifts and ask me to choose which man I'd like to date. Mr X's gift was a note that said, "On the fifth day of Valentines my true love gave to me 5 onion rings" and 5 onion rings. Mr ? gave me a note explaining that in the Zulu culture the elephant is revered as sacred and full of strength. It's such a majestic animal that the word for "elephant" is the same word for "queen". I then opened the included gift and it was a small statuette of two elephants sitting together. (It currently sits next to our TV.) So, the strange Ted McMinn guy asked me which man I was going to choose and I wisely chose Mr ?. I was then informed that Mr X was actually Val Kilmer from Hollywood, CA. (Background: I love Val Kilmer. My love for him has waned a bit since he gave me a bunch of crap gifts in 1999, though.) Then I was told that Mr ? was Josh Johnson. Suddenly the strange guy took off his funny glasses and Josh was magically standing in front of me! I mentioned before that Josh took me to dinner that night for Valentines Day. We went to a nice restaurant and he gave me a very beautiful Precious Moment. Go here for that picture if you need a review. I got no proposal that night, but we continued to talk about marriage.

And it was the only date we ever went on.

Stay tuned to find out if he ever proposed...Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Anniversary Countdown Part C

The Test of Absence

New Years' Eve was spent at my parents house. My folks invited not only Josh, but his parents over as well. I can't remember if the other kids were there are not (Tara, Lori, were you?). I just remember that Josh and I held hands as we watched Godzilla with our parents. It didn't seem that weird at the time, but now that I'm voicing it, maybe it should've. I don't know. All I know is that there was a bit of a current of tension running through me all night because it was New Years Eve and what does everyone do at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve? They kiss. Now, I'd made mistakes in the past when it came to kissing (Josh, just skip this part). Let's just say, I've kissed enough to know a good kiss from a bad kiss. But, I'd never had a New Years kiss before and I really, really wanted one from this big hunk of man that had quickly become my favorite person in the world. But our PARENTS were there! Talk about a buzz kill.

The movie ended just before midnight and all of us clamored out onto the deck to watch the New Years' fireworks pop off the top of Pikes Peak. It was very romantic, except that our parents were still around. Dang them! Oh, and the fact that Josh had just come from summertime in South Africa and it was subzero winter in Colorado. He was a bit chilly. So, New Years Eve was a bust.

Later that morning (New Years Day) Josh took me to the airport. I was flying to Utah to visit my friend Mindy before she left for the Ukraine to serve her own mission. We went to the gate for my flight to say good bye. Now the parents were nowhere to be seen. Still the everloving lady, I helped Josh make the correct decision by making myself very available for a good bye kiss. And he actually took the hint. Oooh, and it was a good one. Getting on the airplane was just a technicality since my head was in the clouds from that moment on. Ah, love.

I flew to Utah and loved visiting with my friends and I really wanted to know if Josh was missing me as much as I was missing him. He'd only been home for about three weeks, but we'd spent nearly everyday together and I was head over heels for him. I wanted to call him, but I didn't want to appear too eager, so I made up an excuse to talk to him. (This is the part where Josh says I played mind games.) I had asked him to substitute my Seminary class while I was gone and I decided the best way to get my Josh-fix but not seem needy (although I was) was to ask him how class was going. I think I jumped the gun out of nerves, though, because Josh swears that our conversation went like this:

J: Hi! How are you? How is Utah?

S: Great! How's my class doing?

He was pretty abashed that I seemed way more interested in my class than I did in him. If only he knew. He's all I talked about that week. But, he got his payback. I was hoping he'd come pick me up at the airport but he told me he wasn't going to be able to make it. I was crushed. My mom was going to pick me up a few days later.

I finished my visit with Min and headed home to find my mom waiting for me at the gate in the airport. I had hoped Josh could've come after all and I knew something was up because my mom was suppressing a smile. I looked over and saw this cowboy sitting in one of the gate seats wearing the same goofy Groucho glasses and fake nose that I was forced to wear when he had gotten off the plane just weeks earlier. My prince had come for me!

Josh says it was during that trip that he realized that he loved me. I realized it too. It's funny that I knew I was going to marry him before I knew that I loved him. And we still hadn't been on a date yet.

Anniversary Countdown Part 2

The First Few Weeks

So, I've already gone over many of the details of that first meeting. Go here for that. Here's the long-short of it all: We met at the airport the day he came home from South Africa, it was awkward, he met my dad at 3am, my dad was in his robe, we've been inseparable ever since (Josh and me, not the robe). I was attracted to him right away--what's not to love? He's tall, dark and handsome. One of my favorite things about him is his eyes...ahhh.

Josh got home on a Saturday night and he invited me over for Family Home Evening the following Monday. He presented a nice lesson--I think he gave us the first discussion (if you're lost, I'll happily send some LDS missionaries your way to explain this all to you ;o) ) and afterward we watched his favorite movie Tombstone. Yes, it's an R-rated movie, something a missionary would never watch, or at least get caught watching. We were sitting on the floor by the couch. Josh was sitting upright and I was laying on my side with my arm awkwardly placed so my hand could be easily attained by any single young man looking for a relationship. Luckily he took my obvious hint because I would never make a move on him. My goodness, that would be too forward and I, sir, am a lady. I don't remember much more than that happening that night. I'm sure we stayed up talking for a while before I headed home.

The following night Josh and I went somewhere. I have no idea where. I just remember having a long conversation with him in the car on the way home. Up to this point, remember, Josh and I had regular weekly contact but it had never been face to face. We got along really well and I found it so easy to talk to him. I didn't feel it necessary to play the stupid games I'd played in the past to try to get the boy to think that I'm shy or vulnerable or hard to get. I was just me. Josh will debate that because of ONE instance, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, I realized that being with Josh was like coming home. I knew I was going to marry him and I told my mom and sister that later that evening. And that was it. I was committed.

Sometime that week, I just remember it was before Christmas, Josh asked me to lunch. Unfortunately, he wasn't comfortable driving yet because he'd spent two years driving on the left side of the road, so his family came and picked me up from work and we all went to Subway for lunch. I was having a bad day at work and told him all about it. He told me that his family was headed out for Christmas shopping and then would probably head over to his dad's hotel to check out a ball that was being held there that evening. We enjoyed our lunch and as I was getting back into my car and he was getting back into his, I recalled the day so far and said to him, "This day is so awful I could just go home and bawl!" Josh countered with, "Instead of going home to bawl, how about going to a ball?" Isn't that the greatest cheesy line ever??? He totally melted me. What girl doesn't dream of going to a ball with her Prince Charming? I went back to work and gushed over the idea of dolling up and going dancing with my new "friend." I got all dressed up, did my hair, and was ready. Then I waited. And I waited. And I waited. I got a phone call. Josh was calling from a pay phone in Colorado Springs (about half an hour from our town) to say that his mom was taking longer to shop than she had promised and he'd be about an hour late. I felt bad for him because I could tell he was upset about it, but he was stuck there since he hadn't driven himself. So I waited some more.

By 10pm, Josh had called me twice to apologize for being late and once to cancel our date. I was so sad! I didn't blame Josh, he was as upset as I was, but every so often I like to rib him about how he

STOOD ME UP FOR OUR FIRST DATE!

Really, it wasn't his fault. I don't dare delve into more details than that...if you can't say something nice...

We spent Christmas together. First I spent the afternoon at his house with him and his family. After dinner with a very slow-cooked turkey and my car getting a flat tire, we finally made it to my house where our families spent the remainder of Christmas evening together. I don't remember what I got Josh for Christmas. I remember that he gave me a bracelet. It was very pretty. I've even worn it, once. He's never bought me another bracelet since.

So, I knew I was going to marry Josh (even though he stood me up for our first date) but the man wasn't puckering up. I think he didn't want to rush into anything but, helloooo, he'd been home for almost a week... Put out, boy! Actually, I think he was more vulnerable than I was, so I tried to be patient with him. Still the lady, I left the kissing ball in his court, but I was itching for it to finally happen.

(BTW, I have no pictures from our courtship and my scanner isn't set up right, so I'll get engagement and wedding pics up as soon as I can!)