Selling A House Is Like....

I've decided that selling a house is kind of like pregnancy.

1. You plan and plan and plan and things never go as you expect.

2. You have to redecorate.

3. You prepare to leave your old life behind you.

4. You wonder if the end result will ever happen.

5. You know the end result has to happen, but you're suddenly nervous because it's going to cause you to begin a whole new adventure.

6. Your stomach gets so upset you want to barf.

7. You wait in anticipation only to discover it was a false alarm.

8. And everyone has great advice about what you should do.

I've taken to heart some of the "Old Wives' Tales" for selling our home. Today, before our Open House began, I made cookies. I baked them so everyone walking into our house would smell them. Then I put them on a platter for potential buyers to eat. That's right. I will bribe people to buy my house if necessary.

It reminded me of a story I heard when I first went back to school in 2003. I was preparing for my first audition on the theatre. A young woman entered into her audition and confidently walked toward the front of the room to her "hot spot" which is right where the spotlight shines the brightest. As she approached the light, she tripped, stumbled, and fell to the ground. She got up and knocked the director's socks off with her great audition. Her secret was this: she practiced that fall nearly as much as she practiced her audition piece. She knew that in a cattle call of good auditioners, she needed something else to make her stand out. Everyone remembered her and she got the part. I took this story to heart and decided that if people come through and see ours and other great homes, maybe they'll think, "But remember the house with the cookies...?" Maybe.

'Fess Up Friday

You know, someday these posts are going to happen on Fridays again. Someday.

This week was interesting with the big kids going back to school. Having Matt gone all day is a bit of an adjustment. And having an infant home that takes naps throughout the day is weird. But, I'm sure I'm going to get used to it all soon.

I have enjoyed being able to exercise without kids bugging me the entire time. Did you know that I can get through an entire workout without one kid asking me a question? It happened three times this week! I had to focus on my workout video because there were no fights to filter. It was, like, crazy!

This week I decided that my diet must be my stumbling block. Next week I plan to keep a food diary to help me monitor what I should be eating. I'm having a little trouble figuring out how many calories I should be consuming each day. Is it 1200? 1500? 2000? I'm not nursing anymore, so I need to find a good constant caloric amount. I'll have to do some research. If you have any educational guesses, I'll consider those too.

My workouts continue, and I'm determined to be in the 140s the next time Josh sees me. I've got a little less than three weeks. Hope I can do it!

How'd you do?

In Front of Closed Doors

Josh and I share a Facebook account. I set it up this way because I knew I wanted to check it out and see what Facebook was really about (thinking it was like blogging, but it's so not), but I wanted to have Josh be apart of it with me. It's been fun to get to see people I haven't seen in years, find friends I forgot I lost, and get to know lots of Josh's friends. In the last few months, he's found some of his cousins that he hasn't seen since before his mission. It's been fun getting to know them, even if it is only through the virtual world of the internet.

In the past, I've done most of the socializing and status updates. Josh did several quizzes and games. But, since Josh has been gone, I've noticed that he has posted his own status updates from time to time. I think it's fairly easy to figure out which are his and which are mine.

For instance:

Me: Shelly Williams Joshua Johnson The day is looking up...school starts Wednesday and just found out that Josh will come visit me the day after my birthday. When life is so hard, it makes the small happy things that much happier!

Josh: Shelly Williams Joshua Johnson Misses his wife and kids!!!! Please just let our house sell, so that we may set up our home here!!

Okay, the pronouns help, but you get the point.

It's rare that we get an overwhelming number of comments on any of our statuses, so imagine my surprise when my email told me that several people had commented on our last status. I was confused because I couldn't remember what clever thing I must've written. When I realized it was probably Josh, I wondered what in the world he would've posted that so many people commented on. This is what his status said:


Shelly Williams Joshua Johnson You know how you feel aweful, and will do anything to avoid, doing number 2 in someone else's house while visiting? Now imagine living in someone else's house and "your" bathroom is the main bathroom right by the master, the office, the kitchen, and the living room. Yeah...I never want to poop again!!!

Evidently, after living with Tara and Jabon for three weeks, Josh is still a little nervous about wearing in his welcome. The reason he wrote this status was because he had just done his business for the second morning in a row, when outside his door he heard Jabon walk by the bathroom and say, "Are you kidding me?"

Jabon's mom is at the house also, watching their boys. His mother said, "I think it's his morning constitutional."

To which Jabon replied, "This has got to stop!"

Josh was mortified, made his comment on Facebook and then went to sleep for 13 hours.

What Josh didn't know was that what was happening on the other side of the door was this:

Jabon just changed Ashton's diaper (Ashton is 2 months older than Millie). Jabon set his son down in the living room and Ashton immediately got that frozen-faced, glossy-eyed look. Then he filled his diaper.

Jabon said, "Are you kidding me?"

Jabon's mom said, "I think it's his morning constitutional."

Jabon said, "This has got to stop!"

The rest is Facebook history.

Learning Lessons From the Sons of Lehi

There is a series of live-action musical adaptations of the scriptures that are designed to help us liken the scriptures unto ourselves. It's called Liken. (As Matt would say, "Do you get it?") Anyway, Mom and Dad just added to their DVD collection by purchasing a few of these videos. We've had Nephi & Laban for a couple years now. I love it. The best thing about it is that it's not just a serious scripture story. They use humor and catchy tunes to tell the story. This one is the story from the Book of Mormon about Nephi and his brothers and their attempts to collect the Brass Plates from Laban.

This clip is from the brothers (Laman, Lemuel, Sam and Nephi) trying to decide who will approach Laban to ask him for the Plates. It's my favorite song from the movie.

I LOVE the boy band approach to this song (the group name is Sons of Lehi). It's no secret that I've loved boy bands since New Kids on the Block. (Yes, I was a Blockhead and I proudly wore their buttons to school--never said I wasn't a nerd!) And, I love to think that Nephi and his brothers may have worn Hammer Pants. Hilarious!

Anyway, my point (you knew I had to have one, right?). There's one song that has really sprung to mind quite a bit lately. Things have been really tough with Josh gone and our family being uprooted. I just have to remember t0 have a sunnier outlook like Nephi did. In the song Life Could Not Be Better he talks about how great things are since his family left the city of Jerusalem since it was about to be destroyed. They wandered in the wilderness for several years, but Nephi's faith never wavered.

Life Could Not Be Better

Hello my name is Nephi
I was born of goodly parents
Who taught me just to do what’s right.
See, my father has these visions
Where he knows just what to do
And I hear he had another one last night,
Ain’t that right?
My brothers Laman and Lemuel and Sam
Well, they’re the best
They always try so hard to make things fun.
(Laman) I hate you.
(Nephi) I love that one!
The older ones play games that I don’t always like to play.
(Lemuel) Let’s beat Nephi with a rod!
(Nephi) But I know that I’m the lucky one.
‘Cause life could not be better
I choose the right down to the letter
I guess this wilderness could be much wetter
But life could not be better.
Now since we left Jerusalem our lives have just improved
We got rid of all those non-necessities.
(Sister) Where’s the soap?
(Other sister) We don’t have any!
(Nephi) And of course some people mind
The kind of life we left behind.
(Laman) That’s me!
(All) This desert sun’s the only life for me.
Yes, life could not be better
Cause I choose the right down to the letter.
(Nephi) Hey, look, my mom made me a sweater!
(All) Oh, life could not be better.
(Laman) Hey, Lemuel, it’s sad to say that Dad just isn’t well
I think it’s safe to say he’s gone insane.
(Lemuel) I wish we were at home
We could die out here alone.
(Sisters) At least the world is gonna know your names!
(All) Oh, life could not be better
Cause I choose the right down to the letter.
(Nephi) At least, we’re all in this together.
(All) Oh, life could not be better.
Oh, life could not be better
Cause I choose the right down to the letter.
(Nephi) I like this wilderness. Let’s stay forever!
(Silence)
(All) Oh, life could not be better!

So, I'm likening the scriptures to my life. And totally rocking out to Nephi's boy band.

Review for Hannah Montana: The Movie

When you have children, you learn what they like. You become knowledgeable about things you never really cared about. For instance, I know the names of the Jonas Brothers. Don't care about them, but I know which is which.

Tonight we watched Hannah Montana: The Movie. You know you're too emotionally taxed when a Miley Cyrus movie makes you cry. Anyway, it was a cute enough movie. Of course, the girls loved it. If you've just come out from under your rock, Hannah Montana is actually Miley Stewart in disguise. Miley just wants to be a normal teenager but she also wants to be a singer. By pulling off the Hannah Montana act, she gets "The Best of Both Worlds." Anyway, Miley gets too caught up in being Hannah Montana so her father takes her back to her roots to help her realize what is really important to her. It's kind of the Disney tween version of Pure Country.

Somehow the typical overacting from the TV show didn't transfer on the big screen as much, so the acting in this was actually quite pleasant. There's still melodramatism (is that a word?) and slap stick. But was all in good fun. Tyra Banks gives a very credible performance.

I do have to say that my favorite part of this movie was that the members of Rascal Flatts play some cousins. I think they're cousins. They never speak, though, so I don't think they made the minimum $50/day, but they do sing, so I'm sure the royalties for the music compensated them. Oh, Josh, there is an alligator part, just so you know. I'm sure we'll be watching this again someday. They don't show the alligator snapping, just the eyes at the rim of the water, so it may not have been that bad for you, but we all thought of you during that scene anyway.

Overall, the movie wasn't too bad. It was actually kinda cute (I know you want to watch it, Jabon) and it made the girls happy, so it was worth the two hours of my life I devoted to Hannah Montana.

'Fess Up Friday

I know, I know. You're thinking, "Holy cow! I thought she gave up and decided to go fat again."

Well, you used to be right.

I quit exercising this summer. Not because I really wanted to, but because I let myself have excuses:

"Oh, I'm going on vacation. I can't exercise."

"Oh, the kids are home from school and bother me all day long. I can't exercise."

"Oh, Millie is nursing/weaning and it hurts. I can't exercise."

"Oh, we have to fix our house so we can sell it immediately. I can't exercise."

"Oh, my husband is away from me and I'm stuck with four kids that drive me insane so I constantly overeat and undo all the work I did earlier this year. I can't exercise."

Well, you know what? This week I did exercise. I exercised everyday. And most days I even got on the stationary bike. And I ate better this week. After I mowed my lawn, I didn't go to our newly opened Sonic to buy a Diet Cherry Limeade. I bought a huge water. And you know what else? I have less than five weeks until my birthday, but I'm not going to let my messed up summer get me down. I'm going to keep working hard. I'm not going to make it to my goal weight by my goal date, but I'm going to keep going. And, yes, I didn't post 'Fess Up Friday two weeks in a row mostly out of shame for doing so poorly (and partially because I didn't have time and/or Internet ), but I'm coming back with a new resolve to get myself where I should be...

It's the beginning of another year. Whether your life is dictated by a new schoolyear or not, I challenge you to join me:

I rend this shame from my overburdened shoulders and raise my fist to the skies. I will not stop until I reach my goal!

Will you join me?!?

So, how'd you do?

Kid Update

Here's the skinny on the kiddos:

School starts in one week. Hooray! Party! Hallelujah!!!! I used to judge moms who were excited when their kids were going back to school. "What kind of horrible mother is glad to see her children spend so much of the day away from her?" my childless, I-know-everything mind would wonder. Then I realized: a real, true mother feels that way! Now if I hear women talk about how sad they are that the summer is coming to an end and the kids are heading back to school and she's sad, I judge her and the lithium she must be on. I'm just sayin'...

Matt asked for his training wheels to come off his bike yesterday and now he's zooming up and down the sidewalks like a madman. The boy has one speed: Lightning! It's taking him a while to figure out how to start, but once he gets the bike in motion, be careful. "10 points for the old guy!" (A Little Rascals reference for you.) I've got a video of it, but I'm having trouble uploading it. When I get it, I'll get it on here.

Millie is getting bigger and smarter everyday. She hasn't quite figured out her own personality yet, but there are clear similarities between her and her siblings. She has Matt's easy-going attitudes, Emma's talkative nature (once she gets going she talks a lot and loud), and Abby's adventurous spirit. When Abby was about Millie's age, she'd make her way to our TV. The VCR was down low in our TV stand and one day she stuck her hand in the VCR and yanked. That was the day our VCR died. Millie likes to roll over to the VCR too. I've got to keep an eye on that girl all the time. Let the VCR live!! She's also like Abby in that she likes to eat. She likes to eat anything. The other day I had a can of Bag Balm out (the best diaper rash medicine in the world) and Millie grabbed it, began sucking on the can, and then spent the next minutes sucking on her lips. Ew, gross! But that's nothing. When Abby was somewhere around a year old, I walked into the room and caught Abby with her hand in the cookie jar. Or the Bag Balm, whatever. She had eaten half of the can. Do you know what Bag Balm is? If you don't, go to the store and buy some. It works wonders. It's supposed to be used on cow udders when they get chapped, but it works well on diaper rash, sunburns, just about any skin irritation. Anyway, open it up and sniff it. Then you will understand why I was mortified that Abby ate HALF A CAN! I called Poison Control because I didn't know what's in that stuff. Here's what I'm pretty sure the conversation went like:

Me: My daughter ate half a can of Bag Balm and I don't know if it's bad for her.

The Lady: Bag Balm? Like in the green can?

Me: Yes.

The Lady: And she ate how much?

Me: Half the can.

The Lady: Seriously? That stuff is gross.

Me: I know.

The Lady: You'd think she would've stopped after the first taste.

Me: You'd think.

The Lady: Okay, it looks like there's nothing harmful in it. She just might have greasy poop.

The second time Abby ate half the can of Bag Balm I didn't worry about calling Poison Control, but I did double check to make sure the can was up high from that time on.

Emma and Abby need to go to school. That's their update. Their fighting is driving me crazy! That's all I got to say about that.

Quilting, Anyone?

I've been reading a series of books by Jennifer Chiaverini. It's based on a family of quilters who live at the Elm Creek Manor. I think you'd just call it the Elm Creek Quilts series. That would make sense. Anyway, my grandmother got me hooked on the books and I've been trying to catch up on the series over the last couple of weeks. Today I began book 14, entitled The Lost Quilter. It's a good series and I recommend it to anyone who's looking for something new to pick up and read. It's mostly a character series. I think Chiaverini is pretty clever in her approach because she jumps around to different characters' perspectives. Within one book, you can read the events from 8 or 9 different characters' POV. You get a great sense of who that character is. It's a good read. Plus, it totally gets me stoked to finish a bunch of projects I want to get done. I've decided that I'm going to quilt more.

My quilting experience has been very limited. My first quilt was guided by my best friend Cindy. I wanted to make a quilt for Josh. He had several T-shirts from his mission in South Africa that he kept, but didn't know what to do with. So, for his birthday a few years ago I decided to take those shirts and make a quilt out of them. I wish I had a picture. (I wish my camera wasn't broken too, but we can't have everything, can we?) Cindy helped me design the quilt, taught me how to use a rotary cutter (yes, I was that backwoods), and taught me how to use a sewing machine (I know, I know, I shake my head in disgust too). We took the shirts and bordered them with colors of the South African flag. It actually turned out pretty good. I was proud of myself. Quilt number two was the John Deere quilt I made for Matt.

That one took me nearly a year to make, mostly because I only really worked on it at Gramma's house. I loved going over there to work on it, though. It was the perfect excuse to hang out with her. I guess I didn't need an excuse, but it was easier to schedule time together that way. I think it's time for me to work on quilt number 3. If for no other reason, than to hang out with my grandma.

An Evening With Joshes and Shaws

My cousin Jon and his wife Pam came to visit us as we were in the middle of our homespun version of "Designed To Sell." It was the week of the Montana State Fair and they had purchased tickets to the same Josh Turner concert Josh and I had been planning to attend. We had so much fun with our kids playing together and just hanging out and the concert was the definite icing on the cake. It was the cherry on top. It was milk chocolate of the M&M.

The concert was the final date Josh and I got to go on before he headed to Arizona. We adults splurged by getting a couple of babysitters (a brother/sister team watched the 7 oldest kids while my folks took Millie) and then Josh and I went to sit in our 9th row seats. That's right. I said "9th row." We could read the Wrangler tag on Josh Turner's jeans! Okay, he wasn't wearing Wranglers, but we were close enough that I could tell that. Really, we had amazing seats. Once again, I had no camera. Josh T sang our favorite songs and a guy even proposed to his girlfriend in the aisle right next to us. It was so sweet it made me cry. Oh, I loved it. Nothing better than good music and my big, handsome man to hold onto. Ah. It was a great night.

The next day Jon and Pam totally hooked us up with some much-needed help on the house. It was pretty cool to watch my husband and cousin work together. And they were both competent! Really, they helped us a lot and we really, really appreciate it! Thanks, guys! Let's do that again. Jon, you up for Keith Urban in Phoenix? (Inside joke, but it's funny, really.)

Let That Pony Run

I ran into Bill Clinton the other day. Okay, not really, but I swear the dude was trying to do a SNL Bill Clinton impersonation. Turns out he just talks funny. This is what he sounded like:

Dad and I were standing in the office at the front gate of the Air Force base where he stables his horse, Takela. My sidelong stares at the dude probably weren't as stealthy as I'd hoped, but I thought he was using some sort of fake voice or something.

Anyway, we were there so the kids and I could go ride Takela. Dad saddled her up and Abby about marched over, took the reins and swung up onto Takela's back without help. She was very determined to ride that pony. Matt and Emma also got on her and even enjoyed the ride. We didn't let Millie get up there, but she wondered what the heck Takela was. I even took a spin around the circle pen with her. I'm not an experienced rider, by any means, but it was pretty fun to get up and be on a horse again. The last ride I went on was with Dad. We went out to Antelope Island in Utah. Our rides were generally pretty ordinary, but there are bison on Antelope Island and on this occasion a big bull was making his way to the trail directly in front of us. My horse was named Liberty and he was a bit scared of this monster. We diverted off the trail enough to get around the beast, but a hill on that side of the trail limited how far off we could go. Dad was nervous too, but he warned me not to let Liberty run, because we might spook the bison. I held Liberty back as well as I could, but his trot increased in speed as we passed the bull and finally he let out in a full run. By that time, Dad and I had both passed the bison and I just didn't care. Liberty was free to take me as far away from that big, scary thing as fast as he could. Luckily, the bull just stared after us with a look on his face like, "Chickens."

Yes, yes I am a chicken.

Top 10 Things That Make Me Miss Josh

10. The clothes he left behind in the hamper before he left.

9. The empty drawers of the clothes he took with him.

8. The sound of the Mercy Flight helicopter that brings people to the ER.

7. Every one of the 2 million white Mercury Grand Marquis in Great Falls. (That's the car he took to AZ.)

6. Sitting alone at church.

5. Laughing at his jokes through the phone.

4. How empty our house feels.

3. The sound of a lawnmower. I don't know if it's because he usually mows our lawn or because I miss his snoring.

2. Sleeping alone.

1. Just needing to be held by the man I love.

We have an open house tomorrow. I pray the buyer for our home sees it and puts in an offer. Josh and I have officially bypassed our record for the longest amount of time we've ever been apart from each other since we met. I'm very ready to get our lives in Arizona started. And to be held by my Baby again.

200th Post!

This is my 200th post and I'd like to say this:

(Ahem)

I'm still alive!!! I've been without internet for over a week and I'm so glad to have it back!! First, I lost my husband to his new job nearly 2000 miles away and then I lost everyone else because I had no internet to socialize with. It's been a rough time.

So, now that I have internet, I have no time. I'm making dinner and need to take care of my children, but, boy, I've been planning all sorts of things to randomly whip out at'cha.

Don't quit me!!

Life in the Fast and Furious Lane

Things in the Johnson Household have been INSANE to put it lightly.

Our fury in getting the house ready to show went into frenzy-mode as Josh's time to leave for Arizona grew closer. We painted, cleaned, demo-ed, retiled, grouted, plumbed, drywalled, and noticed the sun rising nearly everyday for over a week. It was rough! Seriously, the sunrise thing. I know that watching the sun rise is supposed to be a beautiful, introspection of the beauty of the earth and our place within it, but when you're getting three to four hours of sleep a night (morning), that sunrise is not as wonderful to see. But, we got most of it done before Josh left for Arizona Tuesday morning and my dad and I finished the rest of it. (Thanks, Dad!!)

These are poorly taken, but try to envision the fruits of our labors.

Our room-- no longer the beige room with beige curtains.

The family room with the infamous drywall replacement where we found the money and porn.

The new bathroom with new tile and countertop. It used to be 1970s light blue countertop and tub tile with blue/brown linoleum.

The new bathtub tile.

The newly painted mailbox, new porchlight, and new address. It's pretty.