Opening Night Jitters

There are some similarities between preparing for delivering a baby and the opening night of a play.

The air is filled with anticipation. It's mostly a positive energy that fills the home/theatre. Everyone feels the excitement and there's an overload of energy at times. The first play I was ever in I cleaned the whole house the day of opening night because I had too much energy and no other way to expend it. Now, I have a lot of energy, but it's only from my arms up. My belly to my toes are in no condition to be able to expend extra energy. My brain, however, is on overload.

All the prep in the world isn't enough. It doesn't seem to matter how much you prep beforehand, how many dress and/or tech rehearsals you have, things never feel ready by opening night. Same with delivery. We've been preparing for nine months, but I do not feel even close to being ready. However, the show must go on and everything always seems to work out, even when you wish you could just cancel the whole thing.

Sometimes you have to either throw up or pray. Sister Helen Prejean sat in seat E5 on opening night of Dead Man Walking. The real lady. The one I was supposed to be acting like. Over 25 bookclubs had read the book, thinking they knew her and expecting to see her portrayed a certain way. Talk about nerves. Every night I sat outside the back stagedoor and prayed. I prayed a lot. I'm doing the same thing now. Every night I kneel down by my bed and pray. I'm a bit scared about this whole get-a-big-needle-in-your-back-so-you-can-have-the-doctor-cut-you-open-to-pull-a-baby-out thing. As I've said, I hate needles and think they should all die. But that's nothing compared to dwelling on the thought of a scalpel cutting me open. I think I'm having a hard time with this because I've had a chance to think about it. With Matt the decision was made and within what seemed to be a few minutes we were in the OR and he was being born. But whether we're talking about stage or hospital, both have had the effect of making my nerves roll. And I sweat a bit. And I text Josh my worries at 1am.

Looking forward to the cast party. Admittedly, I've only attended a few cast parties. I have always been invited, but the atmosphere was sometimes a bit uncomfortable for married Mormons. Anyway, the ones we attended were generally fun and the best part was that they happened at the end of the run. The work was over and it was now time to relax. With this delivery, our cast party will be coupled with Christmas Eve and Christmas. Not all of the players will be there--we'll be missing all of you aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. But our children will all be able to play and relax together and Josh and I will have some time to watch it all happen.