Friday, January 15, 2010

Confessions of a Fatty

Not too many years ago, I weighed nearly 200 lbs. I was not pregnant at the time. You may be thinking one of two things:

1. Wow, she's brave to admit that. Kudos to you, Fatty, for putting it all out there.

or

2. How in the world could you let yourself go like that?

I've been trying to figure out my difficulties in weight loss. Why am I having such a hard time losing weight? Why did I gain so much in the first place?

Here's what I've come up with:

There's no such thing as baby weight.
I started gaining weight when I was pregnant the first time. I was pregnant for about a week. Within that week I adopted the mindset that I should eat what I want when I want. I was entitled to it because pregnant women are cute and chubby. Why wait for the natural "baby weight" to kick in? I wanted to be cute and prego.

Comfort Foods and Depression.
I've had a few times in my life when I've been dealt some devastating blows. I really was pregnant for just a few weeks that first time. I couldn't handle the loss of my baby very well. I found comfort in Josh's arms and with sugar. Five years later, when I was pregnant with Matt, I kept myself in pretty good shape. I was 5 months pregnant and sword fighting onstage--best workout ever! About two or three months later, we found out about Matt's heart and I slipped into another depression. My favorite comfort foods included cheddar jalapeno poppers, ice cream, popcorn, and soda pop. I blew up like a balloon.

Getting fat is convenient.
While Josh and I were going to school, we had no time to do anything. We woke up in enough time to take our children to various childcare locations so we could be to class by 8am. We spent all day in classes. We had workstudy jobs at the school, which would run until about 5pm. We picked up our children and by 5:45 we were trying to figure out what to have for dinner. I only had about an hour before I had to go back to school for play rehearsals, so we usually had fast food or homecooked fast food. Either way, we rarely ate salads, fruits, or lean proteins. Our carbs were hardly ever complex. My exercises consisted of walking around campus, sitting, writing notes, and eating. I'm pretty sure I didn't gain the Freshman 15. It was more like the Nontraditional Student Four-Year Plan 50.

Moms aren't supposed to be trim and fit.
All my life I've been told that moms should take care of everyone else. Moms come last. That means that if something's gotta give, it's gonna be momma's needs. The whole family can't wait for an activity because Mommy needs to finish her workout. If the kids won't eat whole wheat bread, than Mommy should just buy the stuff the kids like and give up. Also, if I've had a bad day with the kids, I should have a treat. The only treat I can get when I'm at home with sleeping babies is a late night freezer raid. But, as a mom, I'm entitled to unwind and if it's with chocolate, then so be it.

If I can't have what I want, at least I've got chocolate.
Being poor sucks. If I can't have my own house, at least I've got cake. If I can't have an easy day of bill paying, at least I've got M&Ms. If I can't buy the thousands of dollars of things I'd like for our home, at least I've got taquitos and sour cream.

So, where does this leave me now? I still have many of these same issues. Now that I know where so much of it stemmed from, how do I change this? Every one of these previous thought processes include the idea that I'm entitled to food because..... So I just have to change my habits. I don't need food as a reward. I don't need food as a comfort. Food is fuel. If I eat healthily (lean proteins, complex carbs, fruits and veggies, healthy fats), I can have the fuel I need to get through the day. And it won't make me fat, as long as I eat it in moderation.

There are so many theories of what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. I'm quitting. I will eat three meals a day, with a small snack in between. I need to try to stop eating after dinner. I'll get the nutrition I need and stop focusing so much on "Am I doing this right?" I'm just going to live. I'll eat good foods and keep my exercising. I'll keep checking in every week to report my progress.

We Can Do This!!!!

How'd you do?

6 comments:

Tara Dawn said...

I have been thinking the same things. I treat food as a reward all the time--even for my own kids!

I have lost 8 lbs on the hCG diet so far. You'd think that would give me a boost to continue it vigilantly. I have to say that is not true. It's hard eating healthily. I have strayed a little bit on my diet this week. I have 1 more week to go. I am challenging myself to finish out the last week without any cheating whatsoever! If I can do that, I think I'll reward myself with something.

TMI Tara said...

I didn't know your Tara was doing the hCG diet too. It's hell, but it works.

After the hCG I'm doing weight watchers (did I already tell you this? hmmmm) and I'm getting motivated by reading the WW magazine, and by losing a pound a day (just like they tell you) on hCG. On the days when I lose two pounds, I cry tears of joy, and it motivates me even more to stick to it! I've only got 10 days left, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It is a brutal diet.

It also helps that Oby is dieting with me. This is the 1st time of my million attempts that he has been 100% on board with me, and it helps so much more than I could have imagined. I only have to cook three meals a day now, instead of six. It takes a lot of pressure off.

I love wii fit. I use fresh salsa (delish!) instead of salad dressing. I take a few supplements that I think help -- probiotic, fiber, enzymes. I use sea salt and coconut oil. When it's too cold to walk/jog outside, I go to the mall, which motivates me to lose weight so I can dress cute again. I watch Biggest Loser for added motivation. I have a day planner where I write everything I need to get done every day, including all my workouts, meals, snacks, etc. I really do think it helps me remember to get everything and stick to my commitment to actually do everything. I'm in the mental zone. And it's working. And I'm excited.

Thanks for these posts. I really do glean positive energy and an 'I can do this' vibe from them, so thank you!

Good luck with your ongoing weight loss. It's good to write about what caused you to gain the weight because knowledge is power. I still haven't exactly figured it out. I weighed 120 lbs when I got married only three 1/2 years ago, so I like to blame Oby and Chloe, but I don't think that's exactly right. I'm going to ponder this a little more so I can really address whatever issues I have with eating and NEVER go down that path again.

Sorry for rambling. I love ya, girl!

p.s. Too bad you don't live in MT anymore. We're making a trip down there in a couple weeks. Wish we could see you guys! (sniff)

TMI Tara said...

Oh, p.s. have you heard of sparkpeople.com? I have a couple friends who swear by it and I'm planning on using it after I meet my goal weight with WW. Just another thought. I'm really done now. lol!

Celine said...

You can totally do it Shelly! I'm in the same boat!
I'm doing WW right now and it's working well so far!
Go, go, gooooo!

Crisanne said...

Keep it up Shelly! I've been trying these past two weeks. (Well, not really all that hard.) So, now I have to really start trying! I have been able to work out 3 days each of these past weeks, but need to step it up to 5 days. I also have pulled out my go to "diet" papers again. This is my own combination of the food guide pyramid (or whatever it is now) along with my healthy eating guide from the What to Expect books (because pregnant and nursing have been a part of my life for the past 10 years) and the 90/10 diet. This seems to work for me.

Basically I really watch portion sizes. I eat 3 grains, 3 veggies, 2 fruits, 2 dairy, 2 protein (3-4 oz each), 2 fats (about 45 cal each) and then I get 200 calories a day for whatever I want, ice-cream, chocolate, extra fruit, that Milky Way....
This way, I still get a well balanced diet, but I don't have to feel like I am cheating with a snack, because it is all part of the plan. When I'm craving and want to grab that handful of M&M's it makes me stop for one minute to decide if this is my treat for the day, if it is... great. If I think I might want something else later, I will turn to the fridge and grab one of those fruits or veggies I need.
Now I just have to work on upping the exercise! We Can Do It!!

Mrs. Bennett said...

You are so great! I love to read about your ups and downs, thanks for being real about it. I haven't truly worked out (or eaten healthy) since I got pregnant. Staying active, working out - that is where I have the real problem. I hope to post on my blog too once I start running again (next week)!