Not too many years ago, I weighed nearly 200 lbs. I was not pregnant at the time. You may be thinking one of two things:
1. Wow, she's brave to admit that. Kudos to you, Fatty, for putting it all out there.
2. How in the world could you let yourself go like that?
I've been trying to figure out my difficulties in weight loss. Why am I having such a hard time losing weight? Why did I gain so much in the first place?
Here's what I've come up with:
There's no such thing as baby weight.
I started gaining weight when I was pregnant the first time. I was pregnant for about a week. Within that week I adopted the mindset that I should eat what I want when I want. I was entitled to it because pregnant women are cute and chubby. Why wait for the natural "baby weight" to kick in? I wanted to be cute and prego.
Comfort Foods and Depression.
I've had a few times in my life when I've been dealt some devastating blows. I really was pregnant for just a few weeks that first time. I couldn't handle the loss of my baby very well. I found comfort in Josh's arms and with sugar. Five years later, when I was pregnant with Matt, I kept myself in pretty good shape. I was 5 months pregnant and sword fighting onstage--best workout ever! About two or three months later, we found out about Matt's heart and I slipped into another depression. My favorite comfort foods included cheddar jalapeno poppers, ice cream, popcorn, and soda pop. I blew up like a balloon.
Getting fat is convenient.
While Josh and I were going to school, we had no time to do anything. We woke up in enough time to take our children to various childcare locations so we could be to class by 8am. We spent all day in classes. We had workstudy jobs at the school, which would run until about 5pm. We picked up our children and by 5:45 we were trying to figure out what to have for dinner. I only had about an hour before I had to go back to school for play rehearsals, so we usually had fast food or homecooked fast food. Either way, we rarely ate salads, fruits, or lean proteins. Our carbs were hardly ever complex. My exercises consisted of walking around campus, sitting, writing notes, and eating. I'm pretty sure I didn't gain the Freshman 15. It was more like the Nontraditional Student Four-Year Plan 50.
Moms aren't supposed to be trim and fit.
All my life I've been told that moms should take care of everyone else. Moms come last. That means that if something's gotta give, it's gonna be momma's needs. The whole family can't wait for an activity because Mommy needs to finish her workout. If the kids won't eat whole wheat bread, than Mommy should just buy the stuff the kids like and give up. Also, if I've had a bad day with the kids, I should have a treat. The only treat I can get when I'm at home with sleeping babies is a late night freezer raid. But, as a mom, I'm entitled to unwind and if it's with chocolate, then so be it.
If I can't have what I want, at least I've got chocolate.
Being poor sucks. If I can't have my own house, at least I've got cake. If I can't have an easy day of bill paying, at least I've got M&Ms. If I can't buy the thousands of dollars of things I'd like for our home, at least I've got taquitos and sour cream.
So, where does this leave me now? I still have many of these same issues. Now that I know where so much of it stemmed from, how do I change this? Every one of these previous thought processes include the idea that I'm entitled to food because..... So I just have to change my habits. I don't need food as a reward. I don't need food as a comfort. Food is fuel. If I eat healthily (lean proteins, complex carbs, fruits and veggies, healthy fats), I can have the fuel I need to get through the day. And it won't make me fat, as long as I eat it in moderation.
There are so many theories of what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. I'm quitting. I will eat three meals a day, with a small snack in between. I need to try to stop eating after dinner. I'll get the nutrition I need and stop focusing so much on "Am I doing this right?" I'm just going to live. I'll eat good foods and keep my exercising. I'll keep checking in every week to report my progress.
We Can Do This!!!!
How'd you do?