The hard part of being a mom:
1. Late night over-exhausted fits. Matt has been scared of aliens lately. I don't really know why. The boy watches superhero movies and other things people would consider scary without any problems. So, I've had to go alien-hunting through his closet. I have yet to catch one, so I think he's going to be okay. Abby had a meltdown last night that left me in tears and wondering what exactly happened. I'm still recovering from that one.
2. Matt said something about his heart the other day and I told him that his doctor checked him not too long ago and said he was healthy. Then Matt asked the dreaded question, "Will I have surgery again?" {Insert sound effect of a heart breaking here} "Yes, son, you will have a surgery again." The look of fear overcame his face as he said, "Will I get a shot?" If only he knew. It killed me to realize that the next time he has surgery (and there will be a next time) he's going to be old enough to comprehend what is happening to him. I thought he'd already accepted the fact that he'd have to have surgery again, but I didn't know he didn't understand it.
3. On a lighter note, as a mom it's really hard to figure out what to make for dinner. I hate it.
The joy of being a mom:
1. My girls playing together...
(Ignore the mess--the girls were supposed to be folding their clothes.)
2. Matt and Millie bonding--watching tv together and Matt singing Millie to sleep.
I wish I were the ideal mother we all want to be, but I'm still learning. I'm still trying to figure out how to teach them. I'm looking for the balance between loving them enough for them to experience pain but still protecting them. I'm wanting them to work but have time to play. This is hard. I must have turned a blind eye to the heartaches my mom had, because I know there is NO WAY she didn't feel this way too. She just was amazing and made it look easy.
7 comments:
I feel like I know this all to well. Here' me sending you happy mommy vibes.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Good Luck!
I'm sorry Matt's having such a hard time lately. That's tough to deal with. Especially the #2. That just breaks my heart.
I love to see the kids playing together. It's so nice. And Matt and Millie on the blanket are so cute. I would say that you are off to a pretty great start. Don't get too mixed up in the bad moments, the good ones are always worth more!!
You know whenever I complain about not being a good mom people always say, "Oh, but you are a good mom!" Like they know. I am the only one who knows my potential as a mother and I am sorry to say that at this point there is no way I want to look God in the eyes because I'm not as good as I know I should be. And it sucks. "The Balance" never seems to be right. Me versus him versus them versus us...Hmmmmmm. Ahhh, well, maybe one day we will get it. Good luck in your journey...your in my prayers.
It is hard being a mom. All we can do is take one day at a time, and try our best. And I HATE figuring out what to make for dinner! That is an adorable picture of the girls playing with millie.
Awww Shelly...
Sending hugs your way, you're doing an amazing job!
dinner... Clint pulled leftovers out to heat up for us because I was cramming for my calling tonight. That's bad mom, bad calling, and bad wife all rolled in to one.
I figure pancakes are a legitimate dinner, too.
I'm with you though. I think I could be a lot better than I am.
I am always analyzing myself to see if I am the best mom I could be and the answer is always a resounding 'No!' I think that is good, though, for us to feel like we aren't doing the best job we could do-it helps us keep striving to be better.
My heart hurts for Matt.
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