Should Have Been

Today should have been the closing day on our house. Should have been. Instead, we got word that our next projected closing date is Monday. I really hope it's first thing on Monday. I made us reservations to tour the new Gila Valley LDS Temple at 2pm that day.

But, instead of being down and depressed, I'm adopting a positive attitude.

"I'm not giving up! And neither are you!! And neither am I!!!"

(Name that movie.)

Things will work themselves out -- after we put in all the effort possible to make them happen.

The Real Love Story

If you remember, a little while ago I posted my complaints of the literary license taken by Taylor Swift in her song "Love Story." Today, on Facebook, my friend Maggie posted this video.



It's still a bit of a literary faux pas, but the song is pretty darn realistic. I just had to share.

The Darn Dominoes

I cleaned up Matt's room today. I took all of the toys (his room was previously the playroom) and separated them by kid and then boxed those suckers up. It's time for us to begin moving, even if it's taking forever for us to close on this house.

I was having one of those "Bad Mommy" days as it was. You know what I mean. The days when you sit there and think, Why did I sign up for this?

I was finding broken toys, unused toys, dirty toys, toys I'd never seen before. But I was feeling pretty good about my progress. It was slow, but I was making piles throughout the room and getting things done. One of my piles consisted of Cars dominoes. Ever seen these?

Don't buy them. They are possessed.

I found at least one domino in every room of the house today. Then I'd put them in their own pile and turn my back to take care of other toys. By the time I turned back around, a single domino would be 12 inches away from the pile. I'd put it back, scan the area, find nothing else out of place and turn my back again. When I'd come back, guess what? Another domino about 12 inches away from the pile.

I swear, they are possessed....roaming the house of their own accord, making curse words fall out of my mouth. The darn dominoes.

Bloggest Loser -- Week 1

Okay, people.





It was our first week of our weight loss competition. Holy cow, could I have had any more temptations thrown at me than I did this week? (BTW, we are most likely delayed in the closing for our house because of the confusion of my maiden/married names. We were promised we wouldn't be charged the usual per diems for closing extensions. We should be signing the papers by next Friday.)



My eating was horrible. My exercising was sporadic. My stress level was HIGH and I justified the poor eating and little time exercising. I had a 1.38% weight loss this week.



So, inspire me. First, go here -----> calculate weight loss.



Next, leave your comment with your percentage weight loss. And, as always, add whatever other comments you have. What were your highs and lows?

Also, to keep it fair, I think we need to have our percentages turned in for the week by Monday evening so we're not getting too far into the week. And, remember, remember, remember this first weight you are entering. It will be the weight we'll use at our halfway check-in and our final weigh in.

Now, to some fun stuff. If you're watching The Biggest Loser, what are some of your calls for the Final Four? I'm not decided on this one yet. But, I love Sam and Koli. Also, I can't wait for make over week. I'd love to see Daris with a new 'do. I really like him too. And, I missed the first half of this last episode due to a DVR issue, but I did tune in soon enough to cry with O'Neal. Really, it's amazing how watching someone else's struggles can put your own into perspective. Do you think Vicky was the right one to vote off? I think she didn't get a chance to really "get" it, but I didn't want Sunshine to go.

And be sure to vote in the poll about exercise. We'll see if I can think of enough things for us to vote on each week.

One final thought (from Josh's cousin's Facebook status):

"I wish I was as thin as I was when I thought I was fat."

Stressed To The Gills!!!

Things are slowly coming together for the house. S.L.O.W.L.Y. I appreciated Michelle's comment about David's letter about his legal name. You'll never guess what the biggest problem is. MY NAME!!!

Evidently, it is impossible for the government (because we are, unfortunately, trying to use a government financing program to buy this house) to figure out that I got married and changed my name. And it was legal too.

Yesterday I sent them a letter explaining that I legally changed my name when I married -- almost exactly 11 years ago!! It's not like we just got married a year or two ago. It's been ELEVEN YEARS!!

Today I had to give them a copy of my Social Security card. What's tomorrow? Our marriage license? Witness statements from our parents? A DNA sample?

I'm also upset because our tax return is being delayed. We don't need it for the closing of the house, but it sure was going to be nice to do several things around our new home before we moved in. Now they'll have to wait a while longer.

Today the government is not my friend. So glad we don't have to rely on them for every aspect of our lives.... {Insert your own witty, sarcastic retort here.}

Mortgage Murmurings

Warning: This is a long one.

Tonight my status on Facebook reads:

"You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!"

In case you didn't recognize it, it's a quote from Goldie Hawn in First Wives' Club. One of the best movies ever. And one of the best characters ever.

I'm not a movie star. Although, I was in a film student's final project. I played a bank teller. I never saw the movie, but I'd be shocked if I didn't end up on the cutting room floor. Anyway. My point is I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. And, unfortunately, most of them stem from my frustrations with our future mortgage company.

Less than three weeks before our closing date we were told the underwriter had approved us and we just needed to provide some more information in writing. Fine. We gave all the information they asked for by 10am the next morning (we had been on our way to the Phoenix airport when we got the call).

The weekend came and went. No word. We figured all was well. Monday, no word. All must still be well. Then came Tuesday.

Suddenly we needed to provide them with additional information and we found out for the first time that we needed to complete a homeowners' education course. Here's where I began to get really frustrated. At the beginning of March when we began this search for own home, we signed up for this education course just in case we would need it. The classes generally fill quickly. So, to work around Josh's schedule, I enrolled us in a class that was to be held weeks away at the end of March. That was tough to find a day off that would work. But, I did it. Then we found this house and the class wasn't required, so I cancelled the class. I was fine with that. That meant Josh and I got a date instead of spending eight hours in a classroom in Phoenix on a Saturday.

So, when we were told fifteen days before our closing date that the underwriter wanted us to complete this course, I about freaked. How were we going to do this and get it to the underwriter in time for them to take it to the funding people in time to get it to the title people in time for us to close on time? Are you catching that I've been feeling like we are running out of time????

Luckily, Josh found an online version of the course. This class is usually free, but to expedite our access to the course, we had to pay $10. Whatever. Josh took the course and we submitted it within four hours of being told we had to take it. Take that, Mr Underwriter.

We figured we were done until the next morning when we had to sign some more papers and submit some more info. We were told everything would be submitted and taken care of. Silly me. I believed them.

Thursday and Friday came and went. So did the weekend. No word. Then this morning they wanted YET MORE information from us. How much more info can we give them??? I swear it seems like they want our life stories:

Dear Mr Underwriter: My favorite color is green. I don't like body odor. When I was six I was bitten by a dog on the back of my head. I don't really know how to swim. And if you ask me for my bra size, I'll be forced to knee you.

We close in 8 days. The underwriter accepted everything this afternoon (that's the official word). We may actually close escrow Monday. I don't really know what that means, but I know it's one of the last things we need to do to get the keys to our new house.

To sum it up: Buying a house = Emotional Highs & Emotionl Lows.

Sunday Thoughts

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Ether 12:27

This verse was mentioned in church today. It goes along very well with how I've been feeling lately. It's one of the reasons I want to truly push myself to lose weight. And be a better mom. And keep my house cleaner. And be a better wife.

It seems my weaknesses stare me right in the face quite often. And I want to win and overcome those weaknesses. I will stare back at them and see who blinks first. Unfortunately, having a staring contest with your weaknesses is like having a staring contest with a statue. I keep losing.

I'm tired of losing. I'm going to start working on some of the things I know I can improve and pray for the ability to discover the things I don't yet understand. With Heavenly help, faith, humility and work, I'll be the woman (including mom and wife) I want to be.

The Amazing Times of Shelly Johnson

It's amazing.....

...how much better a vacuum works when the belt is replaced.

...how long it takes a person to realize the belt in their vacuum needs to be replaced.

...how quickly a one-year-old can walk onto a football field when a fifth grader is running toward her.

...how slowly a mom feels like she's moving when her baby is about to be creamed by fifth graders playing football.

....how quickly a kitchen floor gets dirty after it's been mopped.

....how long it takes to get the gumption up to clean the kitchen floor for the second time of the day.

Yep, my life is pretty amazing.

Biggest Loser Prep

I think we've got a small amount of interest in this, but just one person playing along will help me get going. Here are the details of our own weight loss competition. Anyone is invited to join at anytime. We're just going to begin officially this coming Sunday.

Ready?

Here we go!

The Competition:

1. This will last 12 weeks. Our final weigh-in will be July 10. We're going to have a Half-Way check-in on May 29, the six week mark. That way we can re-motivate if necessary.

2. Eat healthily, exercise according to your schedule, and drink plenty of water.

3. Whoever loses the highest percentage of weight by July 10 will be the winner, or the Biggest Loser.

The Rules:

1. You don't have to watch The Biggest Loser to compete. It's going to be over in the next few weeks anyway. But it's a great motivator, if you need one.

2. You must make sure you are eating enough food to be healthy, generally at least 1200 calories/day. No eating disorders allowed.

Helpful Hints:

1. If you do want to track your calories, the best website I've found is sparkspeople.com. You do have to sign up for the site, but it's free. They have suggested meal plans or you can enter your own. You can also make sure you're drinking enough water, track your exercising, and add other goals such as hours of sleep a day or remembering to take a daily vitamin.

2. We will post our percentages lost once a week, probably Saturdays or Sundays. Choose a day of the week to weigh yourself each week. I'm going to post a link to a calculator that figures it out for you, so don't get intimidated by that thought. You won't need to post anything but your percentage, NO REAL WEIGHT TOTALS REQUIRED. But, you're welcome to share if you so desire.

3. Take a picture of yourself this weekend. Something that shows off your current shape. YOU WON'T HAVE TO POST THIS. This is just for you so you can keep track on how your body is changing. Now, if by the end of this you are ecstatic about how you look and want to post the before/after pics, do it. But for now, just do it for yourself.

4. Measure yourself. Measure your chest, waist, and hips. Again, YOU WON'T HAVE TO POST THIS. But, as an additional help, check out -----> this link <----- to get a beginning calculation of your body fat. We'll be using the weight percentage for the competition, but I reserve the right to add the amount of body fat lost anytime during the competition.

5. Have fun! Summer is coming and with kids getting out of school, schedules will change and things will be harder to keep routine. Just do your best! Don't get discouraged! We can do this!!

Talented T-Fairy

The other night the Tooth Fairy came and visited Abby. This T-Fairy has some skills.

Pardon the darkness of the photo (I've been too busy to remember to retake it). Here is Abby with her butterfly dollar bill.

The girls have also gotten.....

an elephant.....

a shirt....

and a heart.

My Tooth Fairy didn't show off these skills. Then again, my T-Fairy didn't give me more than a quarter, either.

The Biggest Loser Invitation

During tonight's Biggest Loser, Bob said that offices all over the country are doing their own Biggest Loser competitions. Got me thinking.....

I need to restart my final 20-lb weight loss.

Again.

I need some fuel for my fire.

Does anyone want to play "Biggest Loser" with me? I sound like a little kid trying to rally friends to play Red Rover or something. ("Come play at my house!!!") But I need my competitive streak to pull me through this stagnation I keep wallowing in.

The goal would be for us to track our calories (a minimum of 1200/day) and do some sort of daily exercise (aerobic and strength training combination). Then, each week we'll post our percentages lost.

So, here's the deal:

1. We start Sunday, so get yourself prepared.

2. Please let me know if you're interested so I don't feel like no one's playing with me (I hate being the loner kid on the playground). If you really aren't into it, that's cool. You can tell me that too.

3. We need to figure out what the Biggest Loser gets. The winner needs something. Right?

4. How long should we compete? Three months? More?

5. Take a before picture and at the end we'll do after pics. (You won't have to show them, but it will help us track our progress.)

Wanna do this??? Please???

Emma's Party 2010

Today was a great day. It started with Emma happily waking up and quickly getting ready for school. It really helped, too, that Abby lost a tooth the night before and quickly got up as well because she was excited to see what the Tooth Fairy brought.

While the girls were at school, I made Emma's birthday cake and then Josh and I frosted it. I was pretty happy with the turn out, even though it wasn't what I meant to happen.

Here's the story:

Emma said she wanted a picture of a sunset and mountains. She also wanted milk chocolate rocks on the cake. I planned in my mind what it was going to look like. But the cake had other ideas. When I pulled the cake out of the pan, it plopped out perfectly.... except for a corner. An entire corner stayed in the pan while the rest of it sat neatly on my wire racks. Ugh! There was no way to really hide it. So, I decided to do a 3-D cake. Josh crafted the mountains and then together we frosted it. How's that for thinking on my feet, eh?

After the girls got out of school we took Emma to Walmart to pick out her present. She needed a new bike and we'd all like to get out and do some biking around here. So, she got one.

Tara and Jabon stopped by for dinner and cake and ice cream. Emma got to choose her dinner. We had pigs in a blanket, scones, and small pasta shells with parmesan cheese. It was quite an eclectic meal. Afterward, Emma opened her present from Aunt Tara and Uncle Jabon. She loved it. In fact, all of the girls loved her gift.

Tara ingeniously picked up an Easter basket with a Precious Moments doll and journal in it. All three girls fought over it. As soon as the two older girls laid down the doll to look at something else, Millie snuck in and snaked the doll away for her own purposes. That happened probably four or five times. So funny.

Overall, it was a wonderful day. I took an idea from Cindy (hope you don't mind, Cindy) and decorated Emma's door for her birthday. There's no backing out now. I've got to keep that tradition. Matt's already told me what color of streamers and sign he wants for his birthday in June.

It was a good day. And now the countdown begins for Abby's birthday. (Only 39 days, in case you needed to know.)

Happy Birthday, Emma!

Monday is Emma's 9th birthday. I can't believe that she is NINE!!!!!

Emma is such a good person. Really. It's so wonderful to have her in our family.

I did a spotlight about Emma last year. Go ------> HERE to read that.

I love my little (big) girl. She makes me happy.

Happy birthday, Emma Rose!!

You Are LITERALLY Killing Me

Let me just begin this rant with this disclaimer:

I love Taylor Swift. I think she is an incredibly talented person. She sings beautifully, she writes her own music, she's beautiful, she accompanies herself on the guitar. All things I wish I could do. Which may be why one of her songs just bugs me. It may just be because I'm a jealous person that wishes I had half of her talents. Maybe it's because of my study and love of Shakespeare. Or because of my other literary studies on college. But the song "Love Story" has made a resurgence on the radio lately and it just makes me crazy.

In case you don't know, the song is about a girl who loves a boy and her father doesn't approve, so she compares them to Romeo and Juliet. Ever read that story? It's not a happy one. It's not a love story, it's a tragedy. I guess you can argue that in the song their story begins like Romeo and Juliet's but it has a very different ending.

Spoiler Alert:

Romeo and Juliet DIE!! They kill themselves. They are spoiled, selfish idiots that kill themselves because their spoiled, selfish parents can't get along. Okay, that may be a little harsh, but the song ends too happily to use Romeo and Juliet as such a central role.

In a not-so-central role is the reference to The Scarlet Letter. Hello? Ever read that one? The song says she's a scarlet letter. I think she means it as something that is taboo or forbidden. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel, the scarlet letter is the red letter A that is found on a cloth on Hester Prynne's breast to mark her as an adulterer. I don't think I'd want to be referred to as a scarlet letter, even if I was trying to make some vague reference to a classical novel.

Now, please, don't get me wrong. I really do like Taylor Swift. But this song is proof that I'm a very literal person and things easily bug me.

I'm just saying.

Millified (A Verb)

I don't know if it's because I've had three other children or if it's just that Millie is so unique, but this little girl

has a big personality that is very obvious even at her young age. One that has been apparent since before she was born.

I've actually coined a new phrase. Millie's pacifier was missing one day and I happened to find it in an empty contact solution box. Josh asked me how in the world I found it in this random box. I told him that my clue was that the box had been crushed and misplaced, or "Millified."

Millie doesn't seek out mischief. She is too task-oriented to look for trouble. Millie sees things around her and knows when a job needs to be done.

For instance,

Food: should be eaten. It should be eaten from off her plate, off the floor, out of the garbage can, off Daddy's plate, out of Mommy's hand, off a sibling's plate sitting unattended at the kitchen table.

Drinks: should be out of water bottles. Or empty pop cans.

Walking: should be accomplished anywhere. And often. Through the hallways at church, around the zoo, through the aisles of Home Depot, across the dance floor at a cousin's wedding.

Dirty Looks: should be given to anyone at anytime for any reason.

Toys: should be given to the proper owner. Or Momma. Or just haphazardly placed throughout the house in rooms the toys would never ordinarily appear.

Remote Buttons: should be pushed. Mostly at random. And during a show everyone else is enjoying.

Microphones: should be sung into.

Garbage Cans: should be emptied. It doesn't matter whether it's the kitchen trash that is emptied one item at the time or the small garbage cans from the bedrooms that can be dumped all at once.

Clothes and Accessories: should be worn. Headbands, shoes, necklaces, sunglasses... it doesn't matter.

Wipes: should be pulled out of the wipes bag and sucked on. Don't judge me. I don't make up the rules.

Papers: should be wrinkled, ripped or read.

Finding these tasks completed means finding these things Millified. She doesn't mean to frustrate the living heck out of me. It's just her job.

It's A Small World After All

Tonight I took the kids to the Groom's/Rehearsal Dinner for Josh's cousin. His cousin Breanna is getting married tomorrow in the Mesa AZ Temple.

It was a great reunion, although Josh had to work. We saw Josh's mom, his aunts and uncles, some cousins. It was fun. Millie was introduced to everyone and several people recognized the girls from their pictures well enough to tell them apart in person. That may not seem like a big deal, but you'd be surprised how often the two of them are confused. I was impressed.

I was also reunited with my former Visiting Teaching companion from about nine years ago. Josh and I lived in Mesa not long after we were married and that's where I met Michelle. Like I said, we were partnered together to visit certain sisters in our ward. She had just had her third child and I was pregnant with Emma. I approached her and we visited for a minute or two. She said she remembered me, but I'm pretty sure she was just being polite. But it's funny to come across someone from the past.

Oh, and just an update on my nephew Brayden. Thanks for all of your prayers. My SIL reports that he's doing much better and eating well. He should be able to go home within the next few weeks. Hooray!!

Urine Good Company

Yesterday I got to talk to my brother JC for a while. He and I can speak for hours at a time. We have a special bond, one that began, and is often fueled, through theatre. JC told me about his plans for this summer, which include an audition for a nontraditional musical. It's dark and a bit freaky, but because it's a musical, the music counteracts that blackness a bit. I told him it sounded a bit like the musical Urinetown, which we watched at the Grand Street Theatre in Helena, MT. (If you're ever in Helena, you have to stop and see a show there.) He said the shows are along the same lines.

What? You haven't heard of Urinetown? You think it sounds a bit juvenile or even gross? To an extent, you're right. But it's HILARIOUS!

Urinetown is about a time when a drought has depleted most of the water supply. Private restrooms are banned by the government. People are only allowed to use public fee-based toilet systems. Anyone who contradicts the system is threatened to be sent to Urinetown (the secret is that Urinetown doesn't exist---the people are just being killed!). Of course, a hero finally emerges to save the people from constant fee-hikes by the overruling body, Urine Good Company. Urinetown fights against nearly every traditional expectation of musicals. Its social-political message can be used as a great argument either for or against a heavy-handed government involvement. It just depends on your angle.

It's a good one.

So, I've realized that I really need to get out and see some theatre. I miss it.

Thrift Store? Really?

Today Josh and I ran a few errands with the kids. The girls love to wear skirts and dresses. They were them all the time. To school, home, church, everywhere. The problem is that they have pretty nice dresses and skirts that aren't quite appropriate for playing in the dirt.

So, I figured I'd be brilliant and buy them about ten new play skirts at one of the local thrift stores. It would only cost me about $10, so it would be the perfect solution.

Yeah, right.

Been to the thrift store lately? I hadn't. Instead of rivalling garage sale prices, the thrift stores are rivalling department store prices. I was floored. For $10 we got two skirts. TWO! We also got them brand new dresses for $10/each. I know we spent twice as much at the department store, but we got full dresses, not skirts. Amazing.

Where are the good old days, huh?

Tax Evasion!

We've begun watching "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" in the evenings. It's a somewhat educational show that is family friendly and it comes on the same time Monday through Friday. I've figured out that there are some subjects that I can get right most of the time: spelling, literature, music, grammar. The subjects that often get me: sciences (any and all), math (the definitions, mostly), and history. I get some of the history questions right, but some baffle me and I have no idea what the answer is. Today I got one right.

There is a running joke in our family. When I was about a sophomore in high school, I was in the family room with my dad and probably some of my siblings. There was some history show on (as there often was when Dad was home) and it mentioned Al Capone. Dad looked up from his newspaper long enough to inform me that when Al Capone was finally arrested, it was not for his gangster activities. Al Capone was arrested for tax evasion. I slightly nodded, but didn't say anything. Dad mumbled to himself, "Ah, gee, Dad, that's interesting. Thanks for telling me that." Dad often mumbled stuff like this to himself, a habit I seemed to have picked up.

Anyway, a few weeks went by and the TV mentioned Al Capone again. Dad, thinking he was going to educate us, said, "Do you know how they finally caught Al Capone." I looked at him, at first thinking he was joking, but then realizing he didn't remember the situation from a few weeks earlier. I happily answered him with a confident, "Tax evasion!" Dad was so impressed that I knew the answer. He began praising me and asked me how in the world I knew that. I told him that I'd learned it from him a few weeks ago. He controlled his beaming as he said, "I'm glad you were listening." So now, anytime Al Capone is mentioned, someone will generally call out, "Tax evasion!"

So on today's episode of "Fifth Grader" when the question of "What was Al Capone arrested for?" I gleefully shouted, "Tax evasion!" Of course, I was alone in the room, so it was more of a pathetic moment, but I knew the answer!

Happy Tax Season, everyone. Hope you've filed yours.